Newly-crowned King Donald has begun making good on his campaign promises. Yesterday, he released almost all the convicted criminals serving time for participating in his insurrection attempt on January 6, 2021.
“These 1500 people were patriots,” Trump spokesperson Tom Bostrom tells The Lint Screen. “They stormed the Capitol to protest President Trump’s being cheated out of a second term.” However, in over 60 court cases, no evidence of election tampering was ever presented. “That doesn’t matter,” Bostrom continues. “We just know it happened.”
Trump urged his supporters to “fight like hell” and march to the Capitol. They did, and a bloodbath ensued as the mob attacked police and security forces, threatening the lives of politicians attempting to count the Electoral College votes.
“None of the trouble would have happened if they had just re-elected Trump,” Bostrom said. “And President Trump appreciated the patriotism of his supporters for rioting on his behalf. Their valient efforts and bravery in the face of law and order gave the president over three hours of entertaining TV viewing, and he enjoyed it greatly.”
Trump and the GOP have been gaslighting the shameful act since it happened. To help the nation heal, the newly-elected president felon has pardoned his criminal supporters.
“This act is not only one of justice,” Bostrom said, “but it may just help drive down grocery prices like President Trump promised during his campaign. I mean, you never know, right?”
To assist in that, Trump has enlisted an army of billionaires in his cabinet and as advisors “to help address the needs of the middle class. The President always looks out for the little guy,” Bostrom said, smiling.
———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.