Mascara-wearin’ Vice President JD Vance is having a hissy fit.
“What Zelensky did in the Oval Office last week was a disgrace,” Vance tells The Lint Screen. “President Trump was gracious and cordial as always, and this Ukranian punk comes strutting in like he’s hot stuff. He was dressed like he was going to a carnival, not to meet with the most fantastic president America has ever had. Zelensky was rude and uncouth, and he offended every American.”
Vance was a bulldog in the meeting, brow-beating Zelensky for not being effusive enough in his gratitude and praise of President Trump.
“You would think Zelensky would bend over backward to thank President Trump,” Vance said. “But he didn’t grovel. He didn’t bow and scrape. He didn’t lavish our glorious leader with praise for his brilliance and unparalleled leadership. No. Zelensky acted like he was the victim. But President Trump and President Putin are the ones who have suffered from political witch hunts, not him.”
The Veep has had his fill of the Ukranian president.
“If Zelensky doesn’t apologize quickly, on worldwide TV, we will have to nuke what’s left of his country,” Vance said. “He never should have picked on Russia in the first place, and America has always stood up to bullies like Zelensky. We must protect our trusted allies like President Putin. He believes in our country so much that he bought a bunch of President Trump’s meme coins, $TRUMP. A huge amount. That’s what a true ally does–he supports his friend. It’s your move, Zelensky. Beg forgiveness and buy a stash of $TRUMP. Don’t make us mushroom cloud you.”
An aide informs Vance that Sephora is having a rouge sale, and the excited Vice President scurries out of the room.
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