Felon President Donald Trump is outraged by “the horrible, illegal land grab Zelensky made” and wants justice.
“Zelensky’s a thief,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Putin was living peacefully in Russia, a big, beautiful country, and Zelensky stole a large chunk of Russia and called it his own. No one’s ever seen such an aggressive move.” Trump shakes his head. “Many people think it was the biggest crime of the century, and I agree.”
Ukraine has been defending itself against Russian troops that invaded it in February 2022.
“Putin just wants what’s his,” Trump says. “He asked Zelensky politely, but that madman refused. He went on a killing rampage against Russian citizens. He is not such a nice a man, Zelensky. He’s a thug and a thief.”
Trump has always believed in the rule of law.
“When you own something, it’s yours,” Trump says. “And Putin owned Russia. There is no such place as Ukraine. It’s fake–– like Oz, or Los Angeles. I am demanding Zelensky immediately gives back what he stole. Putin is like me, we’re men who believe in character, integrity, and courage. And Zelensky is a cruel coward.”
Trump gets red in his orange face.
“If Zelensky doesn’t give back the land he stole,” he says, “some not so nice things might happen to him. I have nuclear weapons, punk. Don’t test me.”
He smiles. “It’s good to be the king,” Trump says, as a flock of GOP fluffers enter the Oval Office. “It’s even better to be God.”
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