Convicted felon and President Donald Trump sees monsters in every shadow, and he never admits a mistake because he wears a hat that declares, “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.”
Commander Crybaby accepts no responsibility for the skyrocketing price of eggs, a problem he assured voters he would fix on day one of his presidency.
“It’s all Joe Biden’s fault,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Biden told the chickens to stop laying so many eggs, limiting supply and driving the prices up. It was his not-so-nice plan to make me look bad. It’s very unfair. Biden’s chickens are terrorists, trying to make America’s favorite president look bad.”
Trump is proud of the mayhem he has caused since entering the Oval Office.
“I’ve had the U.S. join the axis of evil,” he says. “I’ve alienated our allies, started trade wars with tariffs that will make Americans so rich they won’t believe how much money they have, and I’ve built the strongest stock market ever. I’ve also shredded the Constitution because who needs those old laws? Trump’s in charge, so everything’s great! Everywhere I go, Republicans are telling me they’ve never seen anything like it. They love my presidenting. People love me. I am doing an incredible job. I’m definitely better than God, who is a very overrated deity, in my opinion.”
But what about the price of eggs? Trump’s agriculture secretary, Brooke Rollins, recommends that people raise chickens in their backyard.
“That’s a great idea,” the bossman bully says. “And if people are too unpatriotic to do that, stop buying Biden’s overpriced eggs and complaining. I’ve instructed my I.C.E. goon squads to round up the chickens and take them to KFC. Once they’re battered and deep-fried, they’ll know who’s in charge.”
Co-president Elon Musk and Mike Johnson enter the Oval Office and fight over who will pop a grape into their master’s mouth.
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