Emporor Donald J. Trump is angry. While he has been busy building a personal army and waging an inept tariff war, many people are bellyaching about “Epstein.” The orange man is fed up.
“I keep hearing talk about Epstein, Epstein, Epstein,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “That’s all anyone asks me about. I don’t get it. Brian Epstein died back in the 60s, and The Beatles continued being successful. So why’s everyone got their panties in a knot?”
Trump shrugs.
“I also don’t get the population of The Beatles,” he continues. “They’re highly overrated in my opinion. Not such a good band. Did they ever write anything that compares with Y.M.C.A.? Hell, no. You can’t dance to I Am the Walrus.“
This reporter explains he thinks that the Epstein people are talking about is Jeffrey Epstein, the convicted pedophile and sex trafficker who allegedly committed suicide in his New York prison cell, despite a highly doctored video used as evidence proving no one entered to kill him. Epstein reportedly had a list of clients who shared his lust for underage girls and kinky sex.
“Jeffrey Epstein?” Trump asks. “Never heard of the guy.” Trump pauses and looks to the ceiling. “Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein.” Trump looks at this reporter. “No. The name doesn’t ring a bell. Was he a band manager? Did he handle The Archies?”
When this reporter asks Trump if he is on Epstein’s client list, the Emperor clicks his finger and an army of ICE agents confiscates the journalist and disappears him to a gulag in a foreign country.
“Anyone else have any questions?” Trump shouts.
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