“So what if kids go hungry,” Trump says, “I’ve got lots of gold decorations.”

Suspected pedophile and best pal of Jeffrey Epstein, Emperor Donald Trump, is redecorating the White House to his superlative taste.

“I got gold, lots of gold,” Trump says proudly. “Gold says class and wealth.”

Meanwhile, tomorrow, SNAP funding will be cut off thanks to the Republicans shutting down the government, and 42 million Americans will lose food assistance.

“It’s not our fault,” mousy fluffer Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House, says. “The GOP only controls the executive, legislative, and judicial branches of the government. This shutdown is all because of the evil Democrats.”

“That’s right, Mike,” Trump says. “We need our tax money for ICE and the National Guard and expensive airflghts to black sites in El Salvador. We also need money for the great people of Argentina. We’re giving them $40 billion because their president likes me. I care a lot about Argentinians. They are much more obedient than our citizens.”

When asked about the plight of hungry Americans, many of them children, the president smiles.

“Let them eat cake,” Trump says. “My portfolio has never been better. Everyone’s shoveling money my way to kiss my ass and stay in my good graces. This presidency thing is the ultimate grift. I love being in the White House. It’s good to be the king.”

“I love you, sir,” says Mike Johnson, dropping to his knee, and not in prayer.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus.” It’s a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.