“The Donroe Doctrine means I can do whatever the hell I want,” Trump says

It’s never a good idea to give a child a weapon, let alone the world’s deadliest military force.

But now that man-child Donald J. Trump is Commander-in-Chief, all bets are off, and he has declared his rules of engagement for “The Donroe Doctrine.”

“Donroe is a wordplay on The Monroe Doctrine,” the self-satisfied blowhard tells The Lint Screen. “I invented the idea myself, right after I created the word grocery. I’m a very clever man. Many people think I’m the cleverest ever. I should get the Mark Twain Award, along with my dozen Nobel Peace Prizes for ending so many wars. I’m a peacemaker. Maybe the greatest ever.”

Trump goes on to explain his new doctrine, using small hands to punctuate his points.

“The Donroe Doctrine means I can take any country I want in the Western hemisphere. I’m allowed to abduct its leader and take over the country’s resources. It’s mine, all mine! I’m like a pirate, but instead of a skull and crossbones, I have the Stars and Stripes. And with a trillion-dollar military locked and loaded to kick ass and take names, you better think twice about saying no to my demands.”

Trump tries to puff out his chest, but can’t due to his piggish girth.

“I have a very large brain,” he brags, pointing to his head. “And now I have the muscle to do whatever the hell I want. So watch yourselves, Colombia, Mexico, Cuba, Greenland, and Canada. Because you guys might be next up on the Donroe Doctrine, and I’d hate to see anything bad happen to your pretty little countries if you don’t obey.”

It’s good to be the mad king.

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