PD Scullin

“Donroe is a word play on The Monroe Doctrine,” the self-satisfied blowhard tells The Lint Screen. “I invented the wordplay idea myself, right after I created the word grocery. I’m a very clever man. Many people think I’m the cleverest ever. I should get the Mark Twain Award, along with my Nobel Peace Prizes for ending so many wars.”

“President Trump is a very honorable man,” Putin tells The Lint Screen. “He has much love in his heart and is a great humanitarian. Donald has stopped well over a dozen wars since winning the election, which he should not have had to win in the first place, since Biden cheated him in 2016. But being the gentle soul that he is, President Trump suffered the indignity in humble silence for the unity of his nation.”

“Proof is for suckers,” Hegseth snaps. “The president said they’re guilty as hell, and we can kill whoever we want and take the country’s oil as a penalty. Those are Trump rules.”

“I don’t know if I’ll sign it or not,” Trump says. “I have a lot of paperwork to get through, and this thing sounds like it’s not that important. Who cares what some dead guy did anyway? He’s dead, let God sort it out. I’m busy cutting grocery prices. No one ever even thought about groceries until Trump; I invented the word, and now I’m saving Americans 1,200, even 1,500 percent on their groceries. No one’s ever seen anything like it.”

The big perv explains his decision to protect Maxwell from “evil Democrats.”

Trump explains why he should be celebrated