Author: PD Scullin

US Federal Judge Aileen Cannon, a Trump appointee in his final days in The White House, believes no one is above the law, except for a disgraced twice-impeached ex-president.

Cannon ruled Monday that the Justice Department’s investigation of Donald Trump must stop until a “special master” reviews the many documents seized. The 11,000 documents taken by an FBI raid on Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home on August 8 included hundreds of confidential, secret, and top secret documents.

Following her ruling delaying the possible charges of obstruction and espionage against Trump, Cannon said she received a generous gift from “a secret admirer.” She was given a free luxury condo at Mar-a-Logo, and a complementary slice of “the best chocolate cake ever!”

“I was surprised,” the judge said, smiling. “It was such a nice gesture. I couldn’t believe it. I think I’m going to love living there.”

Many respected legal minds criticized Cannon’s ruling for containing questionable legal grounds and the following phrases:

“The many secret documents could be an amazing coincidence––who knows? We may never know. Life’s weird that way sometimes.”

“I doubt Donald Trump would ever steal or lie. He was president of the United States, for crying out loud, and a major TV star. I loved him on ‘The Apprentice.’”

“I’d hate to think we couldn’t trust someone who has so many fans with top secret documents. Even if President Trump accidentally took the confidential material, I’m sure there are lots more n Washington.”

“Tucker Carlson says there was nothing wrong with what President Trump did. These were just souvenirs of his amazing term––he was the greatest president ever! The FBI was just on another witch hunt. It’s awful how they keep trying to get him.“

“Many leading Republicans also think this is another witch hunt. And they are reputable men of impeccable character.“

“I think we have to give President Trump the benefit of the doubt. And if he was selling nuclear secrets to foreign adversaries, so what? It’s almost impossible to keep secrets. He is the most brilliant businessman in the world, and he loves capitalism––where’s the crime in that?”

“While I believe in justice and the rule of law, sometimes enough is enough! We need to show some compassion.”

Judge Cannon will be moving into her new digs at the end of the month.

“I’m so excited,” she tells The Lint Screen. “I have a black robe swimsuit I’m dying to wear poolside. I hope President Trump sees me.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Brownoser Sen. Lindsey Graham says he is outraged by the audacity of The Justice Department in seizing records from disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump’s tacky Mar-a-Lago.

“If Merrick Garland tries to enforce his silly laws,” Graham tells The Lint Screen, “there will be hell to pay. Trump supporters aren’t going to stand for it. And neither am I! He’s Donald Trump, our Chosen One. The laws of mortal men do not apply. If they try and prosecute Trump, it will lead to armageddon and some very upset people.”

Graham sees a double standard between the treatment of Hillary Clinton’s emails and Trump’s top secret documents he stole and hid in Mar-a-Lago.

“We investigated Hillary 2,341 times for her emails,” he says. “Why isn’t she in prison? Oh, that’s right. The stupid justice system said we didn’t prove any ill intent. Well, maybe Trump just accidentally took the files. It could happen. Or, David Copperfield made them appear out of nowhere. You don’t know what magicians are capable of.”

The spineless toady believes President Biden and the Democrats have a vendetta against Trump by continually enforcing laws.

“They hate what Trump and the GOP stand for,” Graham said. “We believe in law and order, women’s rights, keeping our schools safe by rewriting history and banning books, own lots of guns––especially AR-15s, say what you like as long as we like what you say, and always telling the truth. And Garland should back off before he stirs a hornet’s nest.”

Graham pulls this reporter aside. “Please tell Trump what I said. He’ll love it. He’s so dreamy. I just want to crawl into his lap.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump has a pack of craven weasels happy to defend and make excuses for his outrageous illegal behavior of taking top secret documents with him to Mar-a-Lago.

On August 8, the FBI served a search warrant and confiscated 11 sets of classified documents from Trump’s pleasure palace.

“This was the most outrageous FBI act ever,” bootlicking Sen. Chuck Grassley told The Lint Screen. “Worse than J. Edgar Hoover in a dress, fake pearls, and heels. So, what if Trump took a few files? Big deal. The Justice Department acts like he broke some law. What kind of stupid law says you can’t take top secret government documents home? And everyone knows if anyone can keep a secret, it’s Donald Trump!” 

Kookie nutjob Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has another explanation.

“President Trump took the files for conversation starters,” she claims. “Trump still talks all the time with President Putin, and Kim Jung-un, and Mohammed bin Salman. You can only chew the fat about the weather for so long. Trump took the secret documents so he could relate to other world leaders. He was keeping up his excellent relationships overseas.”

Sleazebag, disbarred lawyer Rudy Gillani says he believes Trump was protecting the documents.

“Trump knew he couldn’t trust the government with secret documents,” Rudy says, mopping a stream of dark hair dye-colored sweat streaming down his face. “The Feds say the top-secret material belongs with the National Archives, which is crazy. Trump had the documents stored in rooms that often had the doors closed. Hell, I think the rooms were sometimes even locked to keep intruders out. But there are never any shady characters at Mar-a-Lago. It’s exclusively rich, racist white people. The cream of society. Those secrets were as safe as a newborn baby in an airtight safe.”

Spineless House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy believes Trump was saving America from Joe Biden.

“President Trump couldn’t allow Biden to harbor our national secrets,” McCarthy claims. “Biden cheated Trump out of the election, proving he can’t be trusted. Trump was protecting Americans from Biden, who wants to groom our innocent children, sacrifice good Christians, and kill any patriot who owns a gun. He has radicalized the IRS and FBI to attack ordinary citizens–– we need a strong leader like President Trump to save us from his wrath.”

Donald Trump, Jr., the turd who didn’t fall from the asshole, is also livid about the FBI’s overreach of power.

“The deep state is out to get Pops,” he declares. “They don’t like God, so they are coming after The Chosen One. We must save America from the evil Democrats. We need people to send money immediately to The Donald Trump Defense Fund. And for convenience, you can sign over all your assets to our sacred cause. We need everyone’s help now in battling Satan by supporting my Pops! He’s the bestest!!!”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.