Author: PD Scullin

Ivanka Trump has always been a daddy’s girl. Whether it’s showing her father the latest styles in flimsy lingerie, string bikinis, or rubbing his back and cooing like a sexy kitten, this blonde bombshell has been supportive of her ‘Pops.’ Now she’s unloading both barrels on Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

“Fauci is a fraud,” the first daughter told The Lint Screen. “Instead of trying to help the president help Americans, Fauci is sabotaging everything and trying to make my father look incompetent.”

The ravishing vixen details the many betrayals Fauci has perpetrated.

“When Daddy first got into office, Fauci told him to get rid of the pandemic preparedness group,” she said. “Pops wanted to keep the group–– and even wanted to give it more resources, but Fauci said it was a waste of money. ‘Pandemics are very rare, Mr. President,’ he told him. So, my father did what Fauci said and eliminated all the people and plans put in place for pandemics.”

The foxy lady puts on a fresh coat of lip gloss, puckers, and continues.

“Then the coronavirus came and Fauci told Dad there was no need for masks. He said there’s only a couple of cases in the U.S. and it’s not going to be a big deal,” Ivanka shakes her head. “Fauci also told Daddy, ‘Don’t wear a mask, they’re very uncomfortable and look stupid.’”

A White House aide turns on a fan, and the breathtaking beauty allows her luxurious blonde mane to blow seductively as she vogues for a fashion photographer who has entered the room. After a 55-minute photoshoot, the prez’s little girl continues talking trash about Dr. Fauci.

“When the pandemic started spreading like wildfire, Daddy wanted to start a massive national testing program. But Fauci told him to stop being such a worrywart. ‘COVID-19 is a flash in the pan,’ he told the president. I think my father wishes he didn’t follow Fauci’s bad advice.”

Ivanka’s husband Jared Kushner enters the room. She shoots him an icy glare. He scurries away yelping like a Chihuahua on hot coals.

“The most disgusting thing is Fauci’s backstabbing,” the ravishing hottie says as she brushes her coiffure with a gold-plated Mason Pearson hairbrush. “Dad was concerned. He wanted to save American lives, so he went to his laboratory and developed Hydroxychloroquine to kill the coronavirus. It was an amazing drug, one hundred percent effective in treating COVID-19. And Dr. Fauci poo-pooed it. He said it didn’t work. I swear that guy doesn’t want Daddy to get any credit.”

Ivanka goes behind a wardrobe screen as she continues talking.

“Fauci is the real villain here,” she said. “He says Daddy opened up too soon, and he doesn’t want kids to go to school and get educated. I swear that little doctor doesn’t love America and hates seeing Daddy make it great again. And that’s just not right. Fauci is to blame for everything. The president is our real hero, and we should all be thankful for his amazing leadership.”

Ivanka Trump walks from behind the wardrobe screen dressed in a mini-cut Catholic schoolgirl uniform with a push-up bra and tight white blouse. She struts in her four-inch stilettos and announces, “Sorry, but this interview’s over. I have to go model this outfit for Daddy. Fashion shows are a traditional father-daughter activity for us. He loves it when I sit in his lap at the end of my show.”

She exits, leaving a fog of Clive Christian No. 1 Imperial Majesty Perfume in her wake.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Although Betsy DeVos attended Calvin University, the Secretary of Education doesn’t cotton much to book learnin’.

“It’s all a bunch of hibbly-jibbly,” the woman in charge of educating America’s children told The Lint Screen. “There are things you learn in the medical laboratory that may or may not be true. Who knows? Science can only do so much. We should question everything.”

Sec. DeVos questions the recommendations the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention made yesterday for re-opening American schools. The CDC also came under attack from President Trump after the medical commander-in-chief saw the recommendations. Trump said they were too strict, and threw a raging temper tantrum. The president sent the brainiacs back to the drawing board.

“They screwed up,” DeVos said. “Those science nerds spent countless hours and hundreds of millions of dollars doing research. And they let science make their recommendations in the interest of health. But science isn’t exactly the real world, is it? Sometimes a stable genius knows better what’s good for our kids–– and we should listen to him and obey. After all, President Trump is very successful in the real estate business and had an incredibly popular TV show. He has a very big brain.“

The Secretary of Education lambasted the CDC.

“That place is full of egghead experts who let science rule their lives,” DeVos said. “It’s silly. Frankly, it’s like Mike Pence says–– science isn’t even in the Bible. We can’t put our faith in science. That would be silly. We must put our faith in God.“

DeVos said the president gave Dr. Robert Redfield, the acting, director of the CDC some excellent guidance for revising recommendations for school re-openings.

“Six feet distancing is extreme,” DeVos said. “The president thinks six inches is plenty of room, and so do I. He also thinks kids shouldn’t wear masks. Masks are an assault on their rights and make them look weak and vulnerable. Our kids are better than that. The president thinks children should wear MAGA hats instead. He suspects those red hats will protect the young ones from COVID-19. And I agree completely,” DeVos said as she placed a MAGA hat on her noodle.

She continued, “The last recommendation the president gave was allowing kids to bring guns to school. Guns will protect their Second Amendment rights and let children guard against an assault of liberal socialism. Also, if they see coronavirus they can shoot it. President Trump certainly makes a strong case for the safety of America’s youth. It’s all he cares about.”

DeVos leans in and confides, “Personally, I think children should also bring their Bibles. Just in case Satan appears.”

She straightens up in her seat. “I’m disgusted and outraged the CDC made the president upset. It’s just not right.” She shakes his head. “‘They had better do better work in the future and get on Team Trump. Without the president’s great leadership, our country would be in a world of trouble with this pandemic. Thank God President Trump is protecting our nation.“

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

White House trade adviser Peter Navarro is one of President Trump’s most reliable cheerleaders, and yesterday he picked up his pom-poms again in support of our fearless leader.

“The fake news has it all wrong,” Navarro told The Lint Screen. “People shouldn’t avoid contracting the coronavirus, COVID-19 is good for you. It’s like the spider that bit Peter Parker and turned him into Spiderman, COVID-19 could give you superpowers.”

While Navarro had no medical evidence to support his claim, he continued his argument.

“We still don’t know the full impact of COVID-19,” Navarro said. “We could find out that it does amazing things to make people stronger. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see frail grandmas lifting cars to change their flat tires. We just don’t know. The jury’s out. Let’s keep open minds.”

Even if this coronavirus is harmful, Navarro is not concerned.

“President Trump has done an amazing job protecting America,” he claimed. “He immediately had Ivanka go to her laboratory and invent hydroxychloroquine, a drug that is proven incredibly effective in treating COVID-19. Everyone should be taking it, like a daily vitamin. And even if you do get the virus, it’s no big deal. Like the president says, 99% of the time, it’s completely harmless. Toughen up America!”

Navarro’s eyes dart about as one imagines a thought ricocheting in his noggin, and he speaks.

“The president asked Mike Pence to head up medical science in fighting coronavirus. No one believes in science more than the vice president. In the 6,000-year history of our world, the Good Lord has never blessed one man with more knowledge of science. Mike is the perfect man for the job.“

The financial guru thinks Americans need to get back to normalcy.

“People must get back to work immediately, and kids get back to school,” Navarro prescribes. “That’s the best thing we can do. You don’t need masks or social distancing. You need to work your job and get our robust economy roaring back. The president has an election in November, and every American must do their job in making sure he can continue making America great again. If we lose a few lives along the way, it will be well worth it for the rest of us. The health of our economy is at stake.”

Navarro straightens his tie.

“Trump 2020. Best president ever.” He runs to the White House and scurries inside.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Perhaps the greatest trait of President Donald J. Trump is his decisive leadership. And today, and he showed that skill again.

The president secured the services of world-renowned magician David Copperfield to address the raging COVID-19 global pandemic.

“I’ve been saying for months that this coronavirus will disappear,” the nation’s leader told The Lint Screen. “Now, I’m going to prove it.”

Trump has always been impressed with David Copperfield.

“When I had my casino in Atlantic City, I hired David,” the president said. “He was incredible. He once pulled a silver dollar out of my ear–– I had no idea it was in there! Then he made the silver dollar disappear. He even made my nose disappear. Who knows how he did that. Amazing. Copperfield is the best; everyone says so. But even with his tremendous talent, my casino went bankrupt. It’s almost impossible to build a business on gambling. The house always loses. That’s why almost no casino ever succeeds.”

The fake news media has been lambasting the president on his handling of the coronavirus.

“No one knew this pandemic was coming,” Trump said. “I’ve done a tremendous job with the coronavirus. Without me shutting down flights from China, experts estimate 300 million Americans would be dead. But I don’t get credit for that––credit for saving 300 million American lives. The fake news is very unfair.”

While the number of coronavirus cases is skyrocketing nationwide, Trump has remained confident it would eventually disappear.

“I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of guy,” he said. “I’ve been saying remain calm. Don’t panic. It’s all going to work out very well for our country. But since Mike Pence and his team have failed so miserably controlling the coronavirus, I’m going to have to nip this thing in the bud.”

Trump said he called David Copperfield and asked him if he could make coronavirus disappear. “Sure, he said,” Trump relays. “I told Steve Mnuchin to write Copperfield a check for whatever he wants. We’ve got to get our economy going again.”

Trump leans forward. “You know, I built the strongest economy the world has ever seen,” Trump bragged. “Everyone says so. People at Mar-a-Lago tell me they’ve never been richer. I’ve done an incredible job. Incredible wealth. They all love me. Everyone loves me.”

Mnuchin would not disclose how much taxpayer money will be spent on David Copperfield’s services, but he said it will be a tremendous deal.

“The president is an incredible negotiator,” the Secretary of The Treasury said. “Just ask Kim Jong-un or Vladimir Putin. Our president plays those guys like a fiddle.”

Trump has given Copperfield “total authority to do whatever it takes to make coronavirus disappear.”

The country’s CEO props his feet on the desk in the Oval Office.

“I want to keep Americans safe, especially Fox News viewers, white supremacists, and the QAnon crowd,” the leader of the free world said. “These are my people. They’re smart enough to know any story that is not about my greatness is a hoax.”

Trump leans forward. “We have an election this November, and I want to make sure the Democrats don’t try to cheat and rig it. I’m going to win in a landslide. Suck it, Sleepy Joe, Nancy, and Chuck–– Trump will make America great again. Everyone is excited about me having four more years.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is known as one of the staunchest supporters of President Donald Trump, and he has come to the defense of the imbecile-in-chief.

“If the intelligence departments had information about Russia putting bounties on our troops,” Pompeo told The Lint Screen, “they failed to inform the president. And that’s on them, not him.”

Pompeo thinks there is an art to dispensing information for absorption into the president’s pea-sized-brain.

“You can’t expect him to read a boring report,” the pudgy sycophant said. “The president is too busy to read. You need large colorful pictures, video, animation, nudity, action sequences, juggling clowns, buildings blowing up–– you know, some razzamatazz. And it’s best if you plaster his name throughout your presentation. The ‘TRUMP’ name keeps his attention. The bigger, the better. If you can work in some pictures of Ivanka, you’ll have his attention like a dog on a bone. He’s crazy for that little pixie.“

The secretary of state blames U.S. intelligence agencies for a communications failure.

“These deep state people are always looking for ways to make the president look weak,” Pompeo said. “So what if he rolls over for Putin, Kim, and Erdoğan? President Trump is a masterful negotiator. He lets them play into his trap by allowing them to do whatever they want. The president thinks it’s better to have those guys as friends than enemies. We have plenty of those in NATO. ‘Allies’ is just another way of saying ‘enemies.’”

Pompeo is confident Trump will have a landslide victory in his re-election bid.

“He has Russia, China, North Korea–– all the important countries, rooting for his victory,” Pompeo beamed. “And with the terrific job he’s done on the pandemic, race relations, the booming economy, and vibrant employment, the president will dominate the 2020 election. He truly is the chosen one who made America great again.”

Pompeo leaned toward this reporter. “Let the president know I said all those nice things,” he whispered. “He needs a little cheering up.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Michael Flynn,  President Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, is a happy man. Yesterday, a U.S. appeals court directed a federal judge to drop a criminal case against him for lying to the FBI.

“They got bupkis,” Flynn told The Lint Screen. “Those dirty coppers tried to send me up the river, stick me in the hoosegow, and do a stretch in sing-sing. But those flatfoots couldn’t make it stick, see? And guess what? They ain’t never gonna get the bracelets on this fella’s flippers. No siree, Bob!”

Billy ‘Bootlick’ Barr, the Attorney General of the United States, assisted in getting Flynn sprung from the joint.

Flynn spits on the ground, rubs the puddle with his Florsheim, and continues.

“Those dirty G-Men will never get me,” he says. “And if they think they can take me alive, they got another thing coming. This is the bossman’s racquet now, and they better toe the line. Or else justice will be served, let me tell you.”

Flynn spins his revolver on his finger, looks up, and smiles. He returns his piece into his shoulder holster and yanks a flask from his hip pocket. He tips the pocket bottle and lets gravity serve his gullet. Screwing the cap back on the flask, he returns it to his pocket.

“I gotta scram and get on the blower to the Cossaks. We got some unfinished business with the Ruskies to take care of. Прощай, присоска!”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.