Author: PD Scullin

Disgraced twice-impeached, four times indicted, facing 91 felony charges, would-be coup leader ex-President Donald J. Trump is pulling the strings on his puppets to derail any progress on fixing America’s immigration issues.

“We must do the right thing for America,” Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell tells The Lint Screen. “We can’t help Biden tighten border security and get a political victory. That would be a catastrophe. The patriotic thing to do is make every effort to get Donald Trump back in power.”

House Speaker Mike Johnson nods.

“We cannot do anything until our savior Trump returns,” he says. “Then we can address the issues that are destroying the nation––transgender and LGBTQ rights, books containing cuss words or describing naked body parts that are Satan’s playground, books that make slavery seem bad and cause white people to feel shame, and gun control laws restricting our rights. Once our Glorious Leader returns, we can save America and institute the mandatory worship of his greatness.”

McConnell smiles. “But until then, the caravan is coming to kill you and your family, and nothing can be done to fix the border.”

“America first!” shouts Johnson, thrusting his tiny fist into the air.

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

There’s a word for what’s going on in Florida, but since dictionaries and thesauruses have been removed from libraries because they contain “dirty words,” no one is sure what the correct word is for what’s going on.

Since wannabe dictator Ron DeSantis became Florida’s Governor, he has enacted many bans and measures to restrict freedom of speech. In the latest move, his Attorney General Ashley Morris has directed all Scrabble Games to be removed from retail store shelves.

“Some people may object to this,” Morris tells The Lint Screen. “But we must act fast to save the children. I’ve always said children are our future because, well, it sounds good.”

But why ban Scrabble, a word game found in one-third of American homes?

“Scrabble has all 26 letters of the alphabet,” Mooney explains. “And because those letters are drawn randomly, children could easily select wooden tiles spelling filthy words. Smut words describing naughty body parts and deviant physical acts of a sexual nature that have the potential to ruin young minds.” She shakes her head in disgust. “And we just can’t have that.”

The pious woman makes a sign of the cross and prays softly, “Forgive me, Lord Jesus, for saying the dirty s-word.”

Mooney believes it is the state’s sacred duty to protect its youngest citizens.

“Satan lurks in dark shadows everywhere,” the Attorney General says. “A youngster could play Scrabble and accidentally spell a word that would cast that child’s soul into the lakes of fire for eternal damnation. If the state of Florida cannot protect the young and innocent, who will?”

AG Mooney says she is consulting with Governor DeSantis for further measures that may be necessary.

“We are looking at a tactical plan that may be implemented shortly,” she says. “We will use Florida police officers to go door-to-door and conduct thorough home searches for Scrabble games and books containing dirty words. If we find them, they will be confiscated and destroyed. I’m afraid if we don’t take these measures soon, we might very well lose generations to Beelzebub. Not on my watch!”

Mooney crosses her arms.

“I’ve also got some legislation loosening restrictions for children buying firearms,” she says. “We must fight Satan and evil with everything we’ve got!”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

This week, an attorney for disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump made a startling claim to the judges in a federal appeals court when he said the president is immune from prosecution if he has been impeached by the House but not convicted by the Senate.

“If that’s the case,” said Trump’s lawyer, D. John Sauer, “the president can order a SEAL Team 6 to assassinate a political rival. I don’t see any legal issues there.”

Trump smiles when he hears this.

“This is a beautiful thing,” Trump says. “There are people, so many people, who should be worried when I get back in office. Because I will get revenge on anyone who was ever not so nice to me.”

The raging madman boasts he was sent to earth “To settle the score for the Big Man Upstairs.” Trump becomes excited.

“I am god,” he says. “Your human laws do not apply to me. And all those who do not bow or worship me must be punished. And I will do just that.”

Trump is asked if these presidential powers apply to Joe Biden. Can he order political enemies to be assassinated?

“Absolutely not,” Trump says dismissively. “The ‘kill anyone anytime’ law only applies if the president’s initials are DJT and that president is me. It’s different for us gods. Mortals like cheating Joe Biden don’t get the power.”

Atty. Sauer enters the room with a bowl of warm, sudsy water and a plush cashmere cloth.

“Please allow me to wash your feet, master,” he says, bending before the throne.

“Okay,” Trump says, kicking off his shoes. “Go ahead. My dogs are barking.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.

The man once known as America’s Mayor is now branded America’s Lying Deadbeat Loser.

Rudy Giuliani’s lies have finally caught up to him. After losing a defamation suit and being charged fines of $148 million, the trash talker has declared bankruptcy.

“It’s crazy how the stupid law works,” Giuliani tells The Lint Screen. “Why can’t I say whatever I want and ruin two people’s lives to help Donald Trump stay in power? But the liberal laws apparently say that’s not allowed. It’s ridiculous. What about my right to free speech?”

Giuliani is scrambling to raise money and has organized various events, including a yard sale, a bake sale, and selling autographed 8″ x 10″ glossies.

“I’ve made a lot of calls to President Trump,” Giuliani says. “And I’m confident he’ll back me up financially.” The despondent man shakes his head, watering the lawn with hair dye. “I guess his phone must be on the fritz because I haven’t heard back from him yet. But I know he’ll come through for me. That’s what friends do, and I’m his bestie.”

The tragic man walks the yard and points to an upholstered chair.

“The president almost sat here once,” he says wistfully. “But I’m willing to let it go for $105 million. Okay, maybe $104.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.