Category: Humor

  • Jordan calls on “my patriots” to help him become Speaker

    Jordan calls on “my patriots” to help him become Speaker

    Walking, talking turd Rep. Jim Jordan wants to become the GOP Speaker of The House, and he’ll do anything to get the job. Jordan’s term began in 2006, and he has never successfully had a piece of legislation pass the House. But he thinks that makes him well-qualified to lead the group of 435 lawmakers.…

  • Santos May Be Expelled After 19 Severed Heads Found

    Santos May Be Expelled After 19 Severed Heads Found

    New York Republican Representative George Santos may have finally gone too far, even for the GOP. Santos became a controversial figure when reporters discovered his background was a total fabrication, including graduating from Baruch College, working for Goldman Sachs, and curing cancer. “These are small embellishments,” Santos tells The Lint Screen. “Who doesn’t put some…

  • Scalise and Jordan Announce Cage Match To The Death In “Battle For The Gavel”

    Scalise and Jordan Announce Cage Match To The Death In “Battle For The Gavel”

    Teen grappler Matt Gaetz managed to give House Speaker Kevin McCarthy das boot out of the ring, and now there’s a rumble underway for the gavel to lead the loonies in the GOP. Two MAGA heavyweights, Rep. (LA) Steve “The Slammer” Scalise and Rep. (OH) Jim “The Jock-Sniffer” Jordan, have announced they will square off…

  • Trump: “The New York judge is a total fraud. Didn’t he ever watch TV?”

    Trump: “The New York judge is a total fraud. Didn’t he ever watch TV?”

    Disgraced twice-impeached, convicted rapist, four times indicted ex-President and would-be coup leader Donald J. Trump has been found liable for fraud by a New York judge who said he overstated his wealth by as much as $2.2 billion in one year. His business, like his university and charity fund, are proven frauds. “This guy doesn’t…

  • Loonies hold America hostage: “We want our ba-bas, and we want them now!”

    Loonies hold America hostage: “We want our ba-bas, and we want them now!”

    Just when you thought the Republican Party couldn’t get more unhinged, the GOP Freedom Caucus is prepared to shut down the government if its demands are not fulfilled. “We ain’t playin’ around here,” Texas Rep. Chip Roy shouted outside The Lint Screen Washington offices. “If the nation doesn’t surrender to our ultimatums, we’ll shut the…

  • “McCarthy will cut and edge my lawn, and trim the bushes,” demands Gaetz

    “McCarthy will cut and edge my lawn, and trim the bushes,” demands Gaetz

    Suspected pedophile and human trafficker Florida Republican Rep. Matt Gaetz is part of the lunatic fringe that secured the House Speakership for Kevin McCarthy. We are now learning the price McCarthy must pay for that support. “Kevin got the gavel,” Gaetz tells The Lint Screen, “and now I’m going to pound him with it.” Gaetz demanded McCarthy…