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Bernie To Referee Upcoming GOP “Thunda In The Rotunda” Fights
Things are heating up in Washington as Republican politicians are balling their fists and looking for someone to slug. “It’s getting out of hand,” Sen. Bernie Sanders tells The Lint Screen. “These GOP politicians are talking smack and pushing buttons and boundaries. We can’t have it anymore, so we’ll take their beefs to the canvas…
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“I’ve always supported Roe v. Wade– I love women,” Trump claims
Disgraced twice-impeached, four times indicted, facing 91 felony charges, would-be coup leader ex-President Donald J. Trump is livid. “The Supreme Court should have never overturned Roe,” Trump barks to The Lint Screen. “I told them that. Protect the women, I said. Little ladies like the right to choose. But the Justices didn’t listen to me.…
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“The world’s calm. We don’t need military promotions,” Tuberville says
Sen. Tommy Tuberville is sick and tired of being blamed for stonewalling hundreds of military promotions that hurt our nation’s defense readiness. “Everyone needs to take a deep breath and relax,” the ex-Auburn football coach tells The Lint Screen. “It’s not like there is any turmoil brewing in the world right this minute. The U.S.…
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Ventriloquist Dummy Mike Johnson Elected New Speaker of The House
Twice-impeached, four times indicted, disgraced ex-president facing 91 felony charges, Donald J. Trump got his wish––another stooge to wield the gavel in The House of Representatives. After alleged sex trafficker Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz gave das boot to Trump-toady California Rep. Kevin McCarthy as Speaker, the GOP-led House found its new leader after three weeks…
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Jordan calls on “my patriots” to help him become Speaker
Walking, talking turd Rep. Jim Jordan wants to become the GOP Speaker of The House, and he’ll do anything to get the job. Jordan’s term began in 2006, and he has never successfully had a piece of legislation pass the House. But he thinks that makes him well-qualified to lead the group of 435 lawmakers.…
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Santos May Be Expelled After 19 Severed Heads Found
New York Republican Representative George Santos may have finally gone too far, even for the GOP. Santos became a controversial figure when reporters discovered his background was a total fabrication, including graduating from Baruch College, working for Goldman Sachs, and curing cancer. “These are small embellishments,” Santos tells The Lint Screen. “Who doesn’t put some…