Humor

Various things designed to get you to expel air in an unplanned manner while showing more teeth than you usually do.

Nation Grips For Post-Election Depression

by

The Lint Screen spoke with noted psychologist Dr. Samuel Hummtin. “The problem is Americans are by nature a competitive people, and as such, they enjoy the spirit of good sportsmanship. The idea that citizens only get a 600-700 election cycle is troubling. That’s a mere two billion dollars in advertising and trillions of dollars in media exposure time! The media has hardly covered them. Speaking as a professional, people always crumble and go bonkers when they have to make snap judgments and decisions.”

Millions of Americans Conspire In “Rigged” Election

by

The conspiracy is widespread as a majority of American voters have been secretly meeting late at night and agreeing they would not vote for Trump. “The joke’s on him,” said one unnamed source who wished to remain autonomous. “He thinks he’s going to win, but he’s not. I know it’s cruel to lead someone to believe something on purpose, and then kick him, but, what can you do–– it’s funny.”

Candidates To Wear Electric Debate Collars

by

“We’ve seen Hillary and Donald square off, and it was ugly,” said Emily Tortsover, the head of the debate organizer committee. “And last night, we witnessed the Tim and Mike show, and it was an awful affair. Their behavior was completely unacceptable. We’ve tried rewarding candidates with treats for good behavior, but that doesn’t seem to work. Something had to be done, and electric collars are the natural solution.”