The Lint Screen

Category: monkeys

  • Monkey Law Enforcement

    Austin, Texas is employing trained monkeys to ‘man’ light poles for keeping law-breaking drivers in line. If a motorist runs a red light, the monkey leaps onto the car and scrambles its way inside the vehicle to gouge the driver’s eyes out and spray the interior with urine.

  • Letters to The Lint Screen

    It is obvious you are prejudiced against these superior creatures and harbor deep-rooted resentment and hostilities that are completely unfounded and, quite frankly, border on hysterical paranoia. You seem to think that simply because you have witnessed excrement flinging by monkeys in zoo cages that all members of their society are dangerous and should be…

  • Those Darn Monkeys

    Not long ago I wrote on this very site about the dangers of smoking monkeys and chimps and how I was collecting funds to buy them nicotine patches and gum.

  • The Patch Fund

    Furry friends with bad cases of jangly nerves, dieting monkeys, post-coital chimps– they all need our help. They can’t resist the seductive allure of nicotine, but we can help give them a fighting chance by being strong when they are weak.

  • Nudists No More

    I recently came across this shocking photo and want to alert fellow humans of the impending danger sure to destroy our fragile society.

  • Over 20,000 Eyes Served

    I’m happy to report that on March 23, 2009, The Lint Screen had its 10,000th hit, meaning Lint has been served to over 20,000 eyes, providing some of those eyes are not covered in eyepatches. My blog stats report I have minimal readership among pirates, but I do pretty well with shoulder-perching parrots.