The Lint Screen

Tag: Anthony Weiner

  • Weiner’s iPhone Confiscated By Wife

    Weiner is put on ice.
    Weiner is put on ice.

    Anthony Weiner’s in the doghouse. Again.

    He’s in Dutch with the ol’ ball and chain for sexting. The 147th time he’s been caught. Wha-wha-wha!!!

    His wife, Huma Abedin, an aide to Hillary Clinton, has snatched his iPhone from his horny little hands after Weiner was caught sexting another woman.

    “I’ve about had it with him,” Abedin told The Lint Screen. “In fact, today I called Tim Cook at Apple and told him to begin development on an anti-Weiner software update for all iPhones. My husband must be stopped. Now! Anthony seems to have a bit of a problem, and if technology can’t solve it, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I tried getting him to play Candy Crush, and all he did was take crotch shots and send them to I-don’t-know-where!”

    “I guess I’m a rascal,” Weiner confessed. He smiled and looked down at his feet, at least that’s where this reporter thought he was looking.

  • Weiner & Lee Battle

    Weiner brings it strong!

    Lee refuses to back down.
    Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) says former Rep. Chris Lee (R-N.Y.) is not worthy to shed his shirt when in the company of ‘Weinermeister.’

    “Look, Lee has a decent bod, I get that, but he didn’t have game,” a confident Weiner told reporters. “A little flex don’t get it done these days. You’d better bring some serious trouser time if you want to make an impression these days!”

    “I don’t play blue,” Lee responded. “I’ve got an image to keep. Weiner’s cheap trash.”

    An irate Weiner responded. “You tell pretty boy he tucked tail and ran scared. He resigned his House seat– left it wet. But not this stud muffin. I’m here, baby, here to stay all the way and show my wares to anyone’ll look! Wait’ll you see what’s next on Weinertime Theatre!”

    A rumor circulated that many more House Representatives were ready to enter the skin competition. The 112 th Congressional cheesecake calendar will be out shortly. Vote early and often.