Barack Obama

Obama Hires Tough TV Lawyer For Defense

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First, Speaker of the House John Boehner sued Lebron James. Yesterday, he got official congressional approval to sue someone even bigger–– President Barack Obama. And this big man wasted no time in counterpunching back. Obama has secured Harry “Hammertime” Krinkston for his defense attorney! “The president was impressed with Krinkston’s television commercials that run late … Read more

Putin Kills Galifinakis

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In a classic case of misunderstanding, comedian Zach Galifinakis heard that Russian leader Vladimir Putin wanted to appear on his show “Between Two Ferns” because “he wanted to kill.” The chubby comic thought this meant that the top commie wanted to “kill” in the comedy sense of making the audience laugh. Instead, Putin appeared on … Read more

The Presidential Race Heats Up!

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Last week, President Barack Obama’s campaign shifted into hyper-gear as it added an exclamation point to its longstanding slogan of “FORWARD!” An advisor for Mitt Romney says that his candidate will not take such aggression lysing down. “We’re officially going to counter by adding two exclamation points to our slogan “BELIEVE IN AMERICA!!” said the … Read more

Presidential Debate Questions Not Asked

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In last night’s second Presidential Debate, a group of 80 undecided voters gathered in a town hall setting at Hofstra University. They came with questions for President Barack Obama and G.O.P. challenger Mitt Romney. Many questions were asked and answered– or used as tees for well-rehearsed talking points. But what of the questions left un-asked? … Read more

Serving Time on Jury Duty

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One day it shows up unannounced, like an obnoxious person you knew from college that you had hoped you’d never see again. It’s a summons for jury duty; your civic duty for being a counted by the census. I had served once before, 15 years ago. Here in Gwinnett County, Georgia, jury duty could be … Read more