“We can’t have troublemakers like Buffet running around serving bowls of loudmouth soup,” said Paul Guggins, a lobbyist for another billionaire’s company. “He’s an agitator and must be dealt with extreme prejudice for his socialist kowtowing. Buffet needs to act his wealth!”
Buffet admitted last week that he only pays a 17% tax rate on his income, the lowest tax rate of anyone who works in his office. He encouraged the government to close tax loopholes and begin asking the rich to pay their fair share. His public conversation has angered many Americans, including Clive R. Hunsickle, an associate manager of a Taco Bell in Jacksonville, Florida.
“Buffet is dead wrong about taxing the rich. We need to give the rich lots more tax breaks so that they’ll create more jobs and the economy will get all trickled down so that it can grow like a tomato plant in July. We need to eliminate all government spending and give tax breaks to the job creators if we’re ever going to get out of this mess Obama put us in,” Hunsickle said as he opened poly bags of seasoned Taco Bell meat for the lunch rush hour. “If the rich want to be taxed more, I won’t stand for it. The whole thing sounds as un-American as a burning flag at an ACLU meeting.”
Soon after he spoke, Mr. Hunsickle was informed he’d lost his job due to downsizing. He was angered. “It’s all Buffet’s fault,” the ex-associate manager said, “if he’d just take his tax breaks and create more jobs instead of asking for more taxes, we’d get somewhere! I need to use my noggin to invent some big moneymaker like Buffet did with his buffet line. Then when I got rich, I would take my tax breaks like a true American!”
Buffet could not be reached for comment on the subject of tax breaks or buffet lines. Rumors circulate that the outspoken billionaire is off the grid.