Sources close to the iron-fisted leader whisper that rumors of a new initiative are true: Jobs will be changing his uniform from a black mock turtleneck and blue jeans to something “with a lot more flair and pizazz!”
Jobs has worn the same uniform of a mock black turtleneck and jeans ever since he was a child, and many financial analysts believe this fashion consistency has been a critical component of Apple’s enormous success.
“Sure Apple makes cool computers and stuff,” said a high powered trader who demanded anonymity, “but what people are really buying is Steve’s consistent look. Depending on what he changes to, I think the stock price could get hammered.”
Many Wall Streeters believe if Jobs makes a change to a denim shirt with black khakis, the stock price will slip initially but could come back. “But if Jobs goes crazy with, say, a plaid shirt and white parachute linen pants, all bets are off. Expect the stock to crater.”
Many fear even worse fashion outlooks. One wild rumor making the rounds is that Jobs will opt for Hawaiian shirts, Capri pants, black satin pumps and porkpie hats. “If that happens, I don’t care what kind of i-Crap you’re making– no one’s buying!”