This past Tuesday, President Barack Obama was giving a television interview while being persistently bugged by a buzzing fly. The obnoxious insect landed on the President’s official arm and the Commander in Chief proceeded to swat and kill it. The media ate up the story of the ninja-like reactions of Obama, but all were not impressed. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) officials expressed outrage at the President’s action.
“It was one of the cruelest, most inhumane acts I’ve ever witnessed,” said Daniel Wurtkingle, a PETA activist in Washington, D.C., “Obama flat-out murdered that defenseless, innocent housefly in cold blood.” As Mr. Wurtkingle’s eyes filled with tears, a cockroach scampered across his left arm. He looked on, nonplussed.
“That fly may have been a father, grandfather or even great grandfather. Or, it could have been a female. We’ll never know, will we? It’s dead,” Mr. Wurtkingle said, “and I don’t believe it got a proper burial service. I think it was simply wadded up in a Kleenex and thrown in the trash. No coffin, no protective vault, no tombstone. Just indignant cruel and unjustified death at the hands of a global superpower,” Mr. Wurtkingle began sobbing as four mosquitos landed on his face and began sipping his lifeblood.
Mr. Wurtkingle dabbed at his tears being careful not to upset the mosquitos as they ate. Three large rats entered the room and began chewing on the flesh of Mr. Wurtkingle’s left leg. He looked down and sighed heavily. “I just don’t know why the President had to murder that poor, poor fly.”
A vulture landed on Mr. Wurtkingle’s shoulder and began to dine on him. He smiled, sadly. “Could I get an Excedrin here, maybe?”