Beware what you write on the internets, weisenheimers!In a bold move, the Internet Police have stepped up prosecution of laugh out-loud (LOL) violations.
“We’re going to nip this problem in the old budarooski,” said IP Chief Randy McTaversh. “For far too long we’ve allowed polite smiles, mild chortles, even repressed chuckles to maliciously impersonate LOLs–– and we’re sending a message that this will not stand!”
Violators face serious prosecution including five-inch hot metal spiked driven through eyeballs, Louisville Sluggers ‘going for the fences’ on the kneecaps, repeated viewings of Louie Anderson’s stand-up routines and in extreme cases, beheading accompanied by genial mocking.
“I’m going to watch myself,” said internet fan, Mike Ralstond, “I have high speed hook-up and I wouldn’t want the Internet Police pulling me over for speeding. LOL.”
Visiting hours for Mr. Ralstond are 6-8 pm at Ferguson’s Funeral Home on Mission Street.
Throughout history, many love affairs have been chronicled through poetry, letters and song. In the future, we will have tracks of Twitters to detail the emotional wealth of modern day people, as told in fewer than 140 characters. What follows is the start of a love story for the ages, as told on Twitter.
Allegory432 Had great time with you tonight. Felt so comfortable, natural. Hope you feel same. Love that restaurant!!! Great times!!! Thanks.
Pernicious41 Glad you had a great time because I did, too. Agree the restaurant is fabulous and your company made it even tastier. Darn, running out of s
Allegory432 Space limited on Twitter. Must be concise, talk in appetizer-size chunks, not main courses. LOL. Some friendly advice. See you soon?
Pernicious41 Absolutely, I’d love to see you soon. Do you like Thai? I love it, I do I do. I know a great Thai restaurant that serves the best–uh oh, no
Allegory432 Love Thai. What day? What time? Won’t eat til then. LOL
Pernicious41 Well, let’s see. Friday’s bad because I’m getting back from Boston late. Are you free Saturday? If you are free, I can pick you up at your p
Allegory432 You ran out of space again– just give me time on Sat., I’ll be ready, with track shoes on. LOL
Pernicious41 Well, let’s see. Saturday I usually go to the gym for a good workout. I have a bunch of errands to run and that’ll take time, oh no, space i
Allegory432 Just tell me what time, I’ll be ready. Time, that’s all I need– the time.
Pernicious41 O.K., you want a good time for me to come by and pick you up. No problem. Let’s see, my errands will take a couple hours, easy, oh no, not a
Allegory432 Remember, must be concise on Twitter! What time?
Pernicious41 When you’re right, you’re right. I do need to be more concise than I have been on Twitter because it seems I keep running out of space– oop
Digi-Luv Can Be Cruel
Allegory432 Just type the time. I’ll be ready then.
Pernicious41 Well, I suppose I could pick you up at 7:00 or so, but that might put us in prime time restaurant rush hour. Let’s see, maybe I could, ohhhh
Allegory432 I can be ready at 6. Is 6 good with you?
Pernicious41 Six in the PM? I suppose I could finish my errands, get home and shower, shave, get ready and drive on over to your place by then if that is
Allegory432 U ran outta space again. Is 6 good, OR WHAT?!!! You could just call me to discuss.
Pernicious41 Oh, I know I could call, but that technology seems so yesterday. I need to master this brave new world of Twitter and get with it because th
Allegory 432 You did it again. Are you a Twitter virgin? LOL
Pernicious41 I know I keep running out of space. The Twitter character counter keeps telling me that, but I just backtrack to a “0” count and post, it’s
Allegory 432 Can you pick me up at 6 on Sat?
Pernicious41 Well, I think I can be to your place by six, I mean, I think I can be ready by then and get across town in traffic, I just have to see if I
Allegory432 You got clipped AGAIN! Not LOL. Are you going to pick me up at 6– yes or no, PLEASE!
Pernicious41 You know this Twittering really is something. I mean, it forces one to get to the quick of the matter, no matter what the subject. I believe
Allegory432 This wasn’t meant to be. Good luck with your life and finding the woman of your dreams.
Pernicious41 Does this mean we’re not doing Thai on Saturday? That’s a shame because I think we could have had a terrific time at that restaurant I was t
