Inside my body are two titanium hip devices that make airport security scanners go all kinds of cattywonkers. Because of my metallic enhancements, I must always submit to a manual screening by a TSA agent. Usually, these are impersonal affairs with a routine body patting performed by curious and suspicious hands in latex gloves. Not so at America’s Friendliest Airport!
Here, my TSA agent was deeply concerned about my comfort. To put me in the mood for my personal examination, he lighted some patchouli and sandlewood incense. “The aroma is divine,” he said as he slipped on some soft brown kid leather gloves. “I want to put you at ease and make this special, even memorable!”
Next, he said he wanted to select some smooth music to calm my jangled nerves. He played some mellow Barry White on his Bose iPod SoundDock as he dimmed the lights. “It’s all about letting your senses chill. I want you to be present, yes, but relaxed,” he said. “I want you to enjoy our time together.”
He proceeded to give me a pat down that was attentive, caring and respectful. He ran the test on his gloves to ensure that I was not carrying explosives (I was not), and he hugged me after the tests came back negative. He said, “I knew you weren’t a terrorist. I didn’t pick up any anger issue vibes.” Then he offered to share some delicious ice cream with me to talk about my hip replacements and how I felt about having them. “I want you to share your feelings,” he said, “it must be awful to always feel you’re in a vulnerable place. You can talk with me all about it.”
Finally, to soothe me, he gave me a ride on his shoulders parading me throughout the airport. “Look how tall you are?!’ he said, “why, you could play professional basketball, oh yes you could!” We both laughed, he gave me a firm man hug and we parted ways. He was little teary eyed. He’d given me a security check that I’d never forget; one I’d always treasure.
America’s Friendliest Airport knows how to make one feel welcomed. I suggest you divert any future flights through PHX to enjoy their unique brand of hospitality.