The whistleblower cat would not detail specifics of what exactly Mr. Tuggles did, but she said, “they were definitely bad things. Very, very bad things. Kind of nasty, really.”
The Mr. Tuggles campaign was in Iowa promising corn farmers heavy subsidies and shiny new cars and 42-room mansions for growing their corn “high as an elephant’s eye.” Jerry Ossenwold, campaign manager for the Mr. Tuggles campaign, said the allegations were “outrageous and slanderous.”
“I’ll just bet that miserable mutt or stupid monkey are behind this,” said Ossenwold referring to other presidential candidates, adorable puppy, Santy Paws, and lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles. “This is dirty politics at its worst. That cat making these wild claims against Mr. Tuggles isn’t even that hot,” said Ossenwold, “I mean, come on, Tuggles could do way better than that cat,” Ossenwold said as he spat to the ground in disgust and kicked up a cloud of dust that blinded many reporters.
There was no comment made by either campaign camps for Santy Paws or Ms. Pickles.