Monkey Law Enforcement

Austin, Texas is employing trained monkeys to ‘man’ light poles for keeping law-breaking drivers in line. If a motorist runs a red light, the monkey leaps onto the car and scrambles its way inside the vehicle to gouge the driver’s eyes out and spray the interior with urine.

Obama Bumped By Leno

In a surprising move, President Barack Obama will soon be replaced by comedian Jay Leno.

Obama has been contending with declining approval ratings recently, and it is hoped Leno can bring back some viewers and sponsors.