The Lint Screen

Tag: nurse

  • Outrage Over New TSA “Extra Security Candid Photos”

    The American air-traveling public was upset enough over enhanced TSA pat-down checks and body scans, but now its ire is on full boil with new ‘extra security candid photos’ being enacted in airports nationwide.

    Select travelers are taken into a private security areas where they are asked to disrobe, and in some cases wear revealing costumes, so that they can be photographed by TSA shutterbugs.

    “I can’t believe what they did,” said Mandy Ginhuttin, a 28-year old mechanical engineer who was recently subjected to the new enhanced security check at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport in Atlanta.

    “The TSA guard escorted me to an area that was about the size of a department store dressing room. I was instructed to disrobe and change into a revealing teddy outfit, from Victoria’s Secret, I think. I asked why, and they said it was a top secret security procedure. I did what they said, I was terrified. Then, some sleazy photographer came in and took a couple dozen pictures. He was saying rude things like, ‘Oh yeah, baby, that’s it– make love to the lens, that’s the stuff. Yeah, baby– I’m going to make you a star, sugar, a TSA star!’ After about ten minutes of posing, he told me I did great and I was cleared, I could get clothed and catch my flight. He said I might receive a follow-up call to take part in a video security project he was doing. He said that the film was being shot in some motel close to the airport. Frankly, it all seems pretty sleazy, not to mention suspicious.”

    Another woman, Juanita Vesquez, reported she was asked to don a tight-fitting nurse’s uniform for her photo session. “They told me that apparently a lot of terrorists were dressing in costumes and uniforms and that with my cooperation, they could build some sort of database. It didn’t make much sense to me, but they said I had to either do that or be subjected to an oil rub-down private security check with Yanni music playing in the background. That really creeped me out, so I decided to do the dress-up thing. I had a choice to wear either a nurse uniform, a Catholic school girl outfit or a cheerleader get-up. I think the whole thing was shady, and an incredible invasion of my privacy!”

    When asked about the new security procedure, TSA employees were mum but offered to give this reporter a pat-down with iron pipes if he didn’t move his big mouth along quickly.

  • Let’s Get Physical (Pt. 11)

    Home.

    A steady diet of painkillers, better-than-hospital food, rest and various spots to sit that are jacked-up with throw pillows so that my hiney and hips are hoisted out of harms way.

    I receive visitors: my Nurse at Home and my Physical Therapist at Home.

    The Nurse comes to take my temperature, blood pressure, pulse and get a blood sample. She is not great with getting blood work. She draws blood with little confidence. She ties-me-off clumsily and searches intently for a tapping spot, finally pricking me and filling the small sample tube… leaving a drop of blood on the carpet for good measure.

    No, this isn't one of the exercises...
    No, this isn’t one of the exercises…
    My Physical Therapist– Bonnie, however, is the best.

    She has an exercise regimen that is challenging but not impossible. She takes my hip to the brink of pain with simple exercises that would make you giggle for their lack of physical challenge. But they are strenuous work for me, my new hip and its 33-surgically-stapled 12″ scar. I do the exercises and Bonnie brings me back from the brink o’ pain. I do exactly as she says and slowly my hip is getting stronger.

    Then Bonnie does a dirty trick. She adds more exercises to my regimen. Curses! She is a physical therapist/dominatrix!

    But this is the drill. The ONLY way to get back to normal is to do the physical therapy. And Bonnie is great at designing a program that builds the muscles.

    I'm wearing hose, no garter belt required.
    I’m wearing hose, no garter belt required.
    My poor surgery leg is very swollen and bruised beyond belief. Bonnie suggests I get something called JOBST Compression Stockings. They are super-elastic hose that run to the top of the thigh and help improve overall circulation. They’re $60 a pair and I only need to wear one on my surgical leg. I take the suggestion and start wearing hosiery– but I will not succumb to stylish pumps. A man must know his limits.

    Bonnie is right. After a couple days, the swelling in my leg goes down. My blood is now circulating well and reducing the bruising. I am healing.

    My challenge at this point is simple: I must survive the nurse taking my blood work so that I have some circulation.