BP announced today plans to release new BP Fish Sticks in grocery stores. The move, viewed as putting into the practice the saying “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade” has many environmental groups furious.
“It’s absolutely unconscionable for BP to do this,” said Roger Pretpopp, head of the Gulf Coast Environmental Protection League. “The company should have all its efforts focused on the clean-up of its massive oil spill, not product diversification.”
Terrance Fawdalraw, VP of Communications at BP disagrees. “We are doing everything in our power to clean up the unfortunate Deepwater Horizon oil spill, the result of a burst of anger from Mother Nature and not negligence on the company’s part. It is simply coincidental that our product development people discovered a revolutionary way to pre-oil fish so they bake up crispy, flaky and delicious in your oven in minutes.”
When asked if these fish sticks were made from fish that suffered as a result of the spill, Mr. Fawdalraw began patting perspiration from his brow with a monogrammed silk handkerchief. “Of course not,” said the company spokesperson, “that would be opportunistic and somewhat evil. I will say, however, that new BP Fish Sticks offer premium performance and improved mileage in all makes and models. Hence our slogan: New BP Fish Sticks, good in your tank, or your car’s tank!”