Bang The Bongos Slowly

  Come gather ’round cats and kittens while I laddle a little beat poetry into your soul waffle iron. Here’s seven slabs from my book of beatnik poems entitled Burma Signs Express: Observational Poetic Hogwash bled from Skids Turmoil. Don’t look for it on Amazon or in Barnes & Noble, it’s published by copy machines I’ve … Read more

Advertising Job Hunting Secrets

       (Why spend a fortune going to some university, beauty college or ad school? Here’s everything you need to know about getting a great job in advertising. Kindly make your tuition checks payable to Patrick Scullin.)      Next to dying a slow, painful, miserable death while “MacArthur Park” is playing on the radio, hunting … Read more

Farewell to The King of Cool

       It’s a crappy day. The earth no longer has Paul Newman. Damn shame, that.       Newman had the looks, talent, humor, compassion, empathy, faithfulness, fearlessness and boundless energy we all crave. He was also generous and caring, helping unfortunate kids by donating millions in profits from the sales of his various … Read more

My Bad: An Apology

       Upon further review of my last few entries where I unfairly said completely asinine and unfounded things about chimpanzees, I wish to apologize to all of humanity and especially the cherished primate community.      Chimps are great and noble and deserve praise for everything they do. They are our friends and should … Read more

Their Dirty Little Secret (Pt. 2)

       Doing a little investigative journalistic work, I think I’ve blown the lid off this whole Wall Street meltdown… and it ain’t pretty.      Think about it: Wall Street lobbyists grease the palms of politicians who pass laws deregulating the banking industry so they can sell sub-prime loans to any jamoke with … Read more

Are We Making A $700 Billion Mistake? (Pt. 1)

       I don’t know about you, but I’m worried sick. This financial market meltdown is giving me the willies, and now I think I see the devious greedy paws of chimps on the taxpayer’s checkbook.      Get a load of this: while Bernanke and Paulson are begging politicians for a big fat Wall … Read more