Patrick Scullin

Surgical Deja Vu

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Call me Robo-Man. I’ve got a matching set of these suckers. Three weeks ago, I went under the knife for my fourth hip replacement surgery in five years. Arthritis was the cause for the first two total hip replacements, faulty equipment was the cause for the subsequent “revision” hip surgeries. Seems that the parts they … Read more

Viewing Deck To Be Added To Fiscal Cliff

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As Washington heats up to rattle sabers over the impending drive toward the ‘fiscal cliff’, an ambitious carnival company has begun construction on a viewing deck for the public. “We figure don’t nobody know how far a piece that drop over the edge of the fiscal cliff is,” said F. “Cronk” Tastersall, the owner of … Read more

Elections Over, America Copes

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With the 2012 elections finally over, the United States of America rebuilds its psyche. After being pummeled by billions of dollars spent in negative advertising, and endless hours of pundits punditizing endlessly, and millions of promises for happier days ahead if (INSERT CANDIDATE NAME HERE) is elected, a wounded nation now gathers its wits and … Read more

Low Information Voter Interviewed

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Recently, Yancy Turmunder, an assistant manager of Best Buy and a self-described “undecided” (low information) voter sat down to be interviewed about voting in the upcoming election. “Where do I go to vote and what do I do?’ he asked with his head cocked. When told his local voting location, his eyes glazed over. “Is … Read more

The Presidential Race Heats Up!

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Last week, President Barack Obama’s campaign shifted into hyper-gear as it added an exclamation point to its longstanding slogan of “FORWARD!” An advisor for Mitt Romney says that his candidate will not take such aggression lysing down. “We’re officially going to counter by adding two exclamation points to our slogan “BELIEVE IN AMERICA!!” said the … Read more

Ohio Secedes From The Union

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After being pummeled with non-stop political ads for months on end, pestered by pollsters and pundits, and being yammered at by candidates from both political parties, Ohio is calling off the jams. The Buckeye State has formally declared that it is no longer one of these United States of America. It is now officially a … Read more