The Lint Screen

Tag: Where’s Waldo?

  • Gowdy Heading Waldo Investigatory Committee

    Rep Gowdy vows to find the elusive figure "for once and for all."
    Rep. Gowdy vows to find Waldo “for once and for all.“

    Hot off the success of grilling Hillary Clinton about her involvement in the Benghazi brouhaha, The Lint Screen has learned Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) will be heading a special Congressional committee to investigate the whereabouts of Waldo.

    “I am sick and tired of people asking, ‘Where’s Waldo?’” Gowdy told a packed press conference. “It’s high time we found this sneaky guy. The longer this Waldo’s whereabouts are unknown, the more danger we all face!”

    Gowdy said he will select a bipartisan committee to look into the “Waldo affair” since he does not want there “to be any stink of political hijinks.” Many felt the eighth investigation into Clinton’s involvement in the Benghazi attack was politically motivated.

    “We have no idea what this Waldo character is capable of,” said a somber Gowdy. “But we do know he goes out of his way to blend in and not to be found. That tells us he must be an imminent threat to America’s security. I plan to find this sneaky no goodnik, for once and for all. I want to be like Sheriff Andy Taylor and bring this outlaw to justice and keep our country safe!” Gowdy said with tears in his eyes. He then saluted his American flag lapel pin.

    Waldo could not be found for a comment.

  • 3 Heene Sons Missing, Parents Propose Game Show

    Last week’s “Balloon Boy” story was all the rage, until it was discovered to be a hoax.

    Now Richard and Mayumi Heene say all three of their sons are missing and they’d like America’s help in finding them.Ma & Pa Heene invite America to play "My Three Sons Are Missing"
    “We got some tremendous ratings last week with just one of our kids missing, so we should do triple the viewership with all three of those rascals gone,” said Richard Heene.
    “Yes, they are really missing, I swear to God,” added his wife.
    “What we’d like to do is have a 24-hour channel and have everyone look for our kids and report in with their findings. It’d be kind of like a Situation Room show without the beard. Mayumi and me would be the hosts, but here’s what makes it even more exciting. If we get some sponsors, we could give away prizes to the people who find our kids– who are really missing for real this time.”
    “Yes, our three sons are missing, we haven’t seen hide nor hair of them for a day now,” said Mayumi as she doctored her make-up.
    “So the premise of the show is kind of a Where’s Waldo? deal, but we’d call our show ‘My Three Sons Are Missing’ playing off the old popular sitcom.”
    “But there is nothing funny about our children being gone. They are really missing this time, I mean really, really missing,” said a distraught Mayumi Heene as she sliced onions and began to cry. “I am so sad, look at me crying. I am crying tears of sorrow.”
    “There, there, Mayumi,” said Richard Heene, “with America’s help, we’ll find our kids on My Three Sons Are Missing. Uh, babe, please don’t bogart that onion, dear– daddy needs a little emotive time, too.”