Month: June 2010

Priceless Ball, 2nd Inning

by

When I recently posted a picture of the world’s most valuable baseball that I had recently secured in a bidding war on the interweb thingy, and gave details behind some of the the autographs, I received a deluge of calls, e-mails, registered letters and personal appearances from rabid fans seeking to curry favor. All were … Read more

Politicians Hit BP Piñata

by

It was open season on BP CEO Tony Hayward yesterday in D.C. as politicians on both sides of the aisle beat on him in a great display of what passes for leadership these days. “You shouldn’t have allowed this massive oil leak to happen,” said one representative. “There ought to be a law against such … Read more

BP Blames Terrorist Robots

by

BP today issued a formal statement charging “evil terrorist robots” for the failure to cap its Deepwater Horizon calamity. “BP is not to blame for this catastrophic oil spill,” the statement begins, “rather, we place the blame squarely on technology, specifically the robots who are supposed to fix the mess. We have repeatedly asked them … Read more

Canine Commencement Chat

by

While I did not receive the call from Harvard, Oxford, Stanford or Cambridge to address their graduating classes, I did receive an invitation to make the official commencement address to graduates of The New Bark City Obedience School. These 22 special canines had successfully completed one of the most respected disciplinary regimens in the southeast. … Read more

Rejected BP Scripts

by

Recently, BP launched an extensive media blitz to reassure Americans that it is dedicated to cleaning up the mess it has made in the Gulf of Mexico. The spokesman for the TV campaign is the company’s chief executive officer, Tony Hayward. The Lint Screen has obtained some early drafts of scripts allegedly penned by the … Read more

BPTV Launches

by

There was one surprising silver lining on the black oil cloud of the recent failure of BP’s “Top Kill” effort– the live camera feed of the oil leak disaster drew millions of curious viewers from around the world. The viewer response was so strong, BP has decided to launch the live camera feed as a … Read more