When kooky ol’ North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced that his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, would succeed him as leader, many asked, “Huh, what’s up with that?”
• He prefers radishes to celery and Captain Morgan’s to both
• Nickname: ‘Son of Looney Tunes’
• Favorite band: Jefferson Starship
• When he was a baby, often wet himself
• Favorite number: 666
• Adores romance novels with Vikings and mermaids
• Dude loves his beer pong and rules at Atari Pong, too!
• He’s Korean
• Follows Ashton K’s tweets religiously
• Hopes to some day appear on Dancing With The Stars in a sheer satin gown
• Has two friends on Facebook, his father is one of them
• Digs thongs
• Likes dragons better than unicorns, neither as much as solid gold bricks
• Wants to grow a John Waters ‘stache some day
• Is seriously considering changing name to Kim Jong-Awesome!
Other little known facts about Kim Jong-un:
* Contumelious of outsiders.
* Tap dances.
* Plays xylolphone in garage band.
* Wants to bring Bristol and Levi back together, win Nobel Peace Prize.
* Hot kimchi chicks call him “Lil’ Studly.”
* As small child, played with toy nukes.
* High school dropout.
* Tiny fingers, tiny… well, you know.
Tiny fingers, tiny toes?
Toes? A little higher than that.
Oops! I meant gall bladder.
Excellent reporting, Curvin. We will bring this mysterious man out of the shdows, tiny body bits and all!
Other facts I’ve just learned:
• Recently mastered masturbation, pissed Christine O’Donnell opposes it.
• Worries about WWF if Linda McMahon gets elected.
• Thinks Michelle Bachmann is nuts but hot.
• Has sent cash to US Chamber of Commerce to help buy 2012 election.
• Upset he hasn’t been invited to tea party. Will bring own tea.
• Has stand-up comedy act that kills North Koreans who don’t laugh on cue.
• Dreams of turning Rachel Maddow straight.