Now, Ms. O’Donnell is in the spotlight again after her Senate opponent, Democrat Chris Coons, left his human body to occupy a toad’s form. A spokesperson for Mr. Coons said that the candidate is furious about this sudden transformation and strongly suspects “witch O’Donnell’s black magic hand” involvement in the matter.
“Now it’s going to be next to impossible for Chris Coons to run an effective campaign against Christine O’Donnell. Our polling indicates that the voting public is not ready for an amphibian in Washington, especially one with little bladder control when frightened. We demand Ms. O’Donnell lift her evil spell and fight fair!”
When Ms. O’Donnell was contacted for her response to the allegations, she said, “I’m innocent– innocent, I tells ya!” She then turned into a puff of smoke and vanished.
Questions:
• Was Chris Coons transformed into a toad as short as he stands as a human being?
• Does he speak or does he croak?
• When he speaks or croaks, does he or does he not make more sense than Christine O’Donnell does?
• Is there anything in the US Constitution that prohibits a toad from holding a Congressional seat, provided he/she/it was born in the US and has reached the right age he/she/it needs to be to hold/inhabit said seat?
• Is there anything in current US voting laws that outlaws or otherwise prohibits a candidate for political office from changing the physical form/manifestation/species of his/her opponent?
• If a candidate for political office who has changed his/her opponent’s physical form/manifestation into a species other than human, is it fair for that candidate to run attack ads pointing out his/her opponent is unfit for office inasmuch as said opponent is no longer human?
• If a registered voter knows a toad who is more qualified than the choices found on the ballot for any office, is said voter allowed to write-in the name of the toad?
Some of these questions are probably Constitutional issues well beyond the ken of The Lint Screen, but I thought this is as good a place as any to raise them for consideration and possible debate.
My mind is blown. Your questions are piercing, illuminating and effervescent all at once.
Although I am short on answers, Curvin, I am sure you belong in a black robe and sitting on the Supreme Court bench (mind your Coke can around Justice Thomas).
Sitting on the Supreme Court is a lifetime appointment, Patrick. And it’s a full-time job. If/when I’m approached by representatives of the Obama administration, I’m afraid I’ll have to tell them that I’m only interested in freelance.
By the way, “Mad Men” time slot on AMC next Sunday will be filled by “The Walking Dead.” Officially, it’s an update of “The Night of The Living Dead.”
That it takes place in Atlanta makes me wonder if it was written by advertising creative people who visited Coke during or after the launch of New Coke.
I was one of them. I emerged walking and alive. Maimed a little, though.
I’m pretty sure the Supreme Court hires freelancers when its slammed, so it’s good to know you’re available.
Yes, I saw those promos for “The Walking Dead” and I see them daily here in ATL. If only they would take advantage of mass transit.