Chez Yummi in Burlington, Vermont is the sort of food joint locals love, but yesterday, instead of serving hot plates of deliciousness, cold tragedy was served.
And it was yucky! (Note to The Pulitzer Prize Selection Committee: The Lint Screen’s writing is lean and muscular!)
Restaurant patron Fred Vownem was with his wife, Margaret. He had ordered the spaghetti and meatballs and she opted for the chicken chow mein. Both customers devoured their dishes. When their waiter, Russ Humplott returned to clear their table, he asked how they liked their food. Mr. Vownem pointed to the empty plates and said, “We hated it.” Marge Humplott recalls what happened next in the next paragraph.
“The waiter freaked out,” she said with tears filling her eyeballs. “He was very nervous and ran into the kitchen. Then the chef came storming out of the kitchen with a large knife and began stabbing my husband. The chef was screaming that we would have to pay for the food we ate and that he needed the money. My husband tried to explain he was joking about hating the food, but it was too late. The chef repeatedly plunged the knife into his chest and he fell to the floor, dead. It was awful, I honestly don’t think I’ll ever go back there again,” the widow said as she began crying salty tears of sorrow and remorse for the irony that her husband had served to a hothead with sharp cutlery.
The chef, Robert Jickell is being held on manslaughter charges. The waiter received a poor tip (only 5%) for his table service.
All in all, a pretty bad night for all–– with no just desserts.
(Note to The Pulitzer Prize Selection Committee: the editorial staff of The Lint Screen has shelf space available to display awards and prizes.)
I’m on the Plitzer Prize Selection Committee and I’m comparing your work to that of others. I accept bribes. You can send me a private message with your offers.
Plitzer Prizes are prestigious in their own right and are not to be confused with that of organizations with similar spellings.
Is a Plitzer Award impressive? Is it a cool shape or design? Would it make strangers think that we know what we’re doing and that we’re pretty A-O-K at doing it?
Let me know. Bribery is not beneath us (in fact, it’s in our mission statement).
Thanks!
Hey Lint Screen. Congratulations!!! You’ve won!!!
In fact, you’ve won in every category! Don’t just think of just one prize, the sky’s the limit! You could be the first 5 time Plitzer winner! Just design the prizes yourself. Send us the diagrams and the copy and we’ll make the stuff, charge you exorbitant prices (you pay up front), and send it all back to you. From there on you’re free to display your prizes and brag all you want. Go for it! Operators are standing by.
OHMYGOSH!!!
We are sooooooo excited!
Is there any entry fee?
Do the awards cost anything?
This is such a great honor, we are truly ecstatic!
Thanks Pulitzer Prize Committee!!!