The world’s most popular cartoon cat, Garfield, will not feature the prophet Mohammed in upcoming comic strips as planned following the tragic slaying of twelve people by religious zealot kooks who can’t take a joke.
“After what happened in the Paris offices of satirical magazine ‘Charlie Hebdo’, we just didn’t think it was a good idea,” said an anonymous source close to the popular cartoon feline.
Insiders report that there was an upcoming series of comic strips detailing the adventures of Mohammed and Garfield.
“It was going to be some pretty biting satire,” said a source close to the colorful cat. “You know, like finding the perfect lasagna recipe while trying to maintain a sensible deity diet. Or Ordie wanting to snuggle with the M-man, and it drives him bonkers. Just some wacky hijinks. We were looking forward to showing a different, edgier side of Garfield, but after what’s happened, it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
Truth. FYI: If you are an upset terrorist, the offices of The Lint Screen are closed.
It’s too late, you cannot save yourselves. Garfield has already insulted Mohammed. Has not the orange cat uttered these blasphemies?
“Diet is ‘die’ with a ‘t.’” — Need we say more?
“Oh no! I overslept! I’m late! For my nap.” — There is no napping in Terrorism!
“Eat every meal as though it were your last.” — Our suicide bombers’ motto!
“If you want to look thinner, hang around people fatter than you.” — The gravest insult to our fat prophets!
Beware! We are enraged by everything! We will cleanse the Western infidels of all kitten videos!
Please take Garfield. Meter justice as you see fit.
We did not like smart aleck cat. Cats should be seen, not heard.
Please leave us alone. We only report…
You might advise the Lint Screen staff to purchase additional life insurance, that is, if they can still get it.
Cowering… under… desk… now…
must… escape…
footsteps… coming… down… hall…
GO!
I’m going to smite you next time I’m in Atlanta.
Smite away! You owe me 90 more words!