“Totally Exonerated” Prez Clarifies Mueller’s Testimony

God obviously really loves America–– why else would He bless us with an honest, caring man who wants to spread the truth and set the record straight?

President Donald J. Trump stopped by The Lint Screen world headquarters and gave us the skinny on what Bob Mueller said in his recent congressional testimony.

“Mealymouth Mueller, that’s what I call him, Mealymouth, was a complete disaster. Mueller admitted he wasted taxpayer money with his one hundred percent fake witch hunt. He said he spent over one trillion dollars and bought cocaine and hookers, many of them underage I heard, and had big parties and burned stacks of cash. But ultimately, after over two and a half years, Mealymouth had to admit he and his team of angry, evil Democrats couldn’t find anything wrong.

The sad old guy had to admit the Trump team played by the rules. Mealymouth totally exonerated Trump. He said no collusion. No obstruction. Absolutely none. No wonder Trump has a 99% approval rating, the highest anyone has ever seen. Incredible support for Trump.

Mealymouth Mueller also said there was no Russian interference in the 2016 election. And he predicted there wouldn’t be any interference in the 2020 election. Absolutely none. He said we had his word on that. Why would Russia want to interfere? They have their own elections. Fake news.

Mealymouth said our election system is completely safe. One hundred percent, completely safe. Like a vault. Don’t worry, he said. It’s all good.

The real problem with the 2016 election was that the election was totally rigged. Mealymouth said Trump actually won the popular vote by over thirty million votes. But crooked Hillary had all these illegals voting for her. And Obama gave them all Obamacare and put them on welfare to thank them. They wasted a lot of American tax dollars trying to steal the election.

It was awful. Very unfair. Very bad. The Democrats also used fake photographs to try and show Trump didn’t have the largest inaugural crowd ever.

Fake, fake news.

He also went on the record to say that Trump is without a doubt the greatest president in American history. Much braver than George Washington when he protected the airports from the invading red coats.

Ol’ Mealymouth said Trump has unified the country better than Abe Lincoln did. Lincoln is probably the most overrated president in history. And he was assassinated–– a lot of people don’t know that. But he was. Look it up.

And he said the four radical members of the so-called looney lib squad should go back to the shithole countries they came from. They hate our country. Go home, for the good of America!

Mueller confessed under oath–– swearing to God, a very good man, God, some say maybe the greatest–– that Ivanka, Jared, and the entire Trump team is doing a fantastic job bringing peace to the world, eliminating government waste by draining the swamp, making our military strong again–– very weak under Obama–– exposing climate change as a hoax, and exposing the treasonous Democrats for the traitors they are.

He said if Americans don’t want to fall for fake news, they should only listen to Trump, Hannity, and the Fox News team.

Oh, and he also said the Saudis had nothing to do with the death of Jamal Khashoggi. The ol’ FBI guy called it a righteous kill. A righteous kill.

The bottom line is Mealymouth Mueller’s testimony backfired on the Democrats. A total embarrassment. Complete vindication of Trump.

I always say the truth will always win out, and I think this time it did.

Case closed. Trump is innocent. The witch hunt is over. Trump is the best, everyone says so.”