Month: May 2020

President Trump loves America, and he is disappointed medical science has failed its citizens. “All these so-called experts are big phonies,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “I listened to Dr. Fauci and all his stupid eggheads. And what happened? Now we have over 100,000 Americans dead. Well, that’s on them, not me. Obama, too. I … Read more

This Memorial Day weekend, as COVID-19 ravages America, and people remember fallen heroes and those who bravely fought for our freedom, President Donald J. Trump grappled with his troubles–– the one that might have been. Trump, who made America great again and has been its great protector during the global pandemic, took a well-earned break … Read more

President Donald Trump has been called The Chosen One, and like Moses returning from Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments, he has decreed it is time his people return to places of worship. “We can’t allow this pandemic cause us to lose our faith,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “All Americans must return to their … Read more

Donald J. Trump has always been known as a genteel gentleman, a mild-mannered man of principle, and the utmost integrity–– but now the gloves are off–– it’s no more mister nice guy! The president spoke with The Lint Screen today and unveiled some of the dark secrets he has uncovered in a scandal he has … Read more

Atty. General William Barr knows his justice, and he also knows which cheek of the president’s ample ass is buttered. Today, Barr declared a new law he’s written “offering complete immunity from American laws to friends, family, and associates of Donald J. Trump.” “The president can’t be bothered by all the stupid laws on the … Read more

Sen. Mitch McConnell is known for being one chill dude (“don’t bogart that blunt, bitch” is his common refrain in Senate chambers), but former President Barack Obama has got his dander up. “That black guy needs to learn to learn how to shut his pie hole,” McConnell told The Lint Screen. “Or somebody’s going to … Read more