Month: January 2021

The McCarthy-Trump Transcript Leaked To The Lint Screen

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The world of investigative journalism was rocked by The Lint Screen when it obtained an exclusive recording of the conversation between House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and twice impeached former president Donald J. Trump. A reporter disguised as a Mar A Lago waiter planted a recording device in the room where the power brokers met. … Read more

GOP Politicians Contract “Jellyboneitis”- A Rare Spinal Disease

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While Americans are engaged in a fierce battle with COVID-19, Republican politicians are grappling with a rare spinal disease called Jellyboneitis, a mysterious affliction that causes a complete failure of the spine. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell slithered to the microphone, was hung up on a coat rack, and spoke to reporters. “Three weeks ago I … Read more

Trump Brags, “Two Impeachments Prove I’m The Best At Being Worst President!”

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Today President Donald J. Trump made history as he became the first president in U.S. history to be impeached twice. “It’s an incredible achievement,” Trump told the The Lint Screen. “No one has ever seen a worse president than me. My first impeachment was for extorting a foreign government for dirt on a political opponent, … Read more

Pence Asks Trump Not To Be “Hanged Like A Dog”

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V.P. Mike Pence is a happy man. “I think the president and I have cleared our small flare up,” the milquetoast man told The Lint Screen. “That kerfuffle last Wednesday at the Capitol was simply a little misunderstanding between me and the boss. The president’s angry mob of patriots was instructed to hunt me down … Read more