There’s a word for what’s going on in Florida, but since dictionaries and thesauruses have been removed from libraries because they contain “dirty words,” no one is sure what the correct word is for what’s going on.
Since wannabe dictator Ron DeSantis became Florida’s Governor, he has enacted many bans and measures to restrict freedom of speech. In the latest move, his Attorney General Ashley Morris has directed all Scrabble Games to be removed from retail store shelves.
“Some people may object to this,” Morris tells The Lint Screen. “But we must act fast to save the children. I’ve always said children are our future because, well, it sounds good.”
But why ban Scrabble, a word game found in one-third of American homes?
“Scrabble has all 26 letters of the alphabet,” Mooney explains. “And because those letters are drawn randomly, children could easily select wooden tiles spelling filthy words. Smut words describing naughty body parts and deviant physical acts of a sexual nature that have the potential to ruin young minds.” She shakes her head in disgust. “And we just can’t have that.”
The pious woman makes a sign of the cross and prays softly, “Forgive me, Lord Jesus, for saying the dirty s-word.”
Mooney believes it is the state’s sacred duty to protect its youngest citizens.
“Satan lurks in dark shadows everywhere,” the Attorney General says. “A youngster could play Scrabble and accidentally spell a word that would cast that child’s soul into the lakes of fire for eternal damnation. If the state of Florida cannot protect the young and innocent, who will?”
AG Mooney says she is consulting with Governor DeSantis for further measures that may be necessary.
“We are looking at a tactical plan that may be implemented shortly,” she says. “We will use Florida police officers to go door-to-door and conduct thorough home searches for Scrabble games and books containing dirty words. If we find them, they will be confiscated and destroyed. I’m afraid if we don’t take these measures soon, we might very well lose generations to Beelzebub. Not on my watch!”
Mooney crosses her arms.
“I’ve also got some legislation loosening restrictions for children buying firearms,” she says. “We must fight Satan and evil with everything we’ve got!”
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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.