Disgraced twice-impeached, four times indicted, facing 91 felony charges, would-be coup leader ex-President Donald J. Trump is pulling the strings on his puppets to derail any progress on fixing America’s immigration issues.

“We must do the right thing for America,” Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell tells The Lint Screen. “We can’t help Biden tighten border security and get a political victory. That would be a catastrophe. The patriotic thing to do is make every effort to get Donald Trump back in power.”

House Speaker Mike Johnson nods.

“We cannot do anything until our savior Trump returns,” he says. “Then we can address the issues that are destroying the nation––transgender and LGBTQ rights, books containing cuss words or describing naked body parts that are Satan’s playground, books that make slavery seem bad and cause white people to feel shame, and gun control laws restricting our rights. Once our Glorious Leader returns, we can save America and institute the mandatory worship of his greatness.”

McConnell smiles. “But until then, the caravan is coming to kill you and your family, and nothing can be done to fix the border.”

“America first!” shouts Johnson, thrusting his tiny fist into the air.

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.