Donald J. Trump, who was born into fabulous wealth, thinks American children are “spoiled rotten.” His tariff war will have casualties: fewer gifts under the Christmas tree.
“Kids have 8,000 dolls,” the criminal grinch grifter tells The Lint Screen, “and then they take one of their 50,000 pencils and write Christmas wish lists for even more crap. These kids today are not so tough. But I’m going to change that.”
The President is crashing the economy with his boneheaded zero-sum tariff war, which will lead to higher prices for all Americans. He thinks citizens should stop whining and tighten their belts. According to Trump, the inflation pains are only temporary.
“I get world leaders calling me constantly,” he claims. “They cry like babies, and they say, ‘Mr. President, please, sir, please buy my country’s products. You are so strong, sir, and we’re very afraid of you.’ I tell them they don’t have the cards to play. We don’t need foreign products or foreigners.”
Trump says this year, he will give American children “the greatest gift of all––energy.”
The fat man smiles. “We make amazing products right here, like clean coal. Who needs Chinese toys when you’ve got homegrown black gold? American children will love our domestic energy. And when we win my tariff war, we’ll all be so rich we won’t know what to do with all our money. Stacks and stacks of hundred-dollar bills. It’s going to be amazing.”
Vice jock-sniffer J.D. Vance, economic kiss-ass Howard Lutnick, and spineless toady Marco Rubio applaud wildly and praise their fearless leader for his “genius,” “great looks,” and “incredible leadership.” Trump raises an arm and silences their praise.
“And if people are smart,” Trump says. “They’ll invest all their money in $Trump crypto coins. It’s a fantastic investment. The currency of the future. It’s where the smart money’s going.”
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