“Call me Secretary of War Crimes,” Hegseth says, “I’m untouchable.”

Ex-Fox News blabbermouth Pete Hegseth is riding high.

“The fake news media is after my scalp,” Secretary of Defense Hegseth tells The Lint Screen. “All because I ordered repeated drone strikes on a Venezuelan boat. They’re saying it’s a war crime to kill people without proof. Bullshit. These people were definitely narco-terrorists running fentanyl to our shores– I had to take them out. They could have swum to America and ruined our country.”

Hegseth is asked for proof of the drug smuggling operation.

“Proof is for suckers,” Hegseth snaps. “The president said they’re guilty as hell, and we can kill whoever we want and take the country’s oil as a penalty. Those are Trump rules.”

Hegseth appears unconcerned that there are Congressional investigations into his ordering death strikes on two people hanging onto the bombed remains of their boat.

“These politicians think they can score points by crucifying me,” Hegseth says, crossing his arms. “But the joke’s on them. I have the full support of President Trump, so if you want to call what I did a war crime, fine. Call me the Secretary of War Crimes. I have Oval Office air cover, and no one can touch me. I’m a made man, baby.”

Hegseth exhales and mops sweat from his forehead.

“The president always backs his people, one hundred percent,” Hegseth said, giving a thumbs up. “It’s like Hammer said, you can’t touch this.”

Hegseth dances as the Grim Reaper looks on.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.