The Lint Screen

Author: PD Scullin

  • Trolls Blast Lint Screen’s 500th Post

    Critics slam post and obviously need good conditioner
    Critics slam post and obviously need good conditioner

    This is the 500th post captured on The Lint Screen, the world’s premiere website for tom foolery and the occasional dollop of wisdom under a title associated with the name of a laundry-related object. And the reviews of this post are already less than stellar.

    “I thought it’d be a hell of a lot better,” writes opusmango354.
    “It’s suck on a stick,” slammed myworldsbetterthanyours92.
    “Reminds me of the finale of ‘Lost’–– a heaping helping of disappointment,” posted ragamuffinhead3. “And the dude who played Hugo in ‘Lost’ sucked!”

    Still, the editorial staff of The Lint Screen stands by its decision to post its 500th missive. “For almost six years, we’ve been grinding these dispatches out. We’ve learned there’s always going to be haters out there,” said one editor as he dove under his desk dodging a volley of bullets from a car driving by. “We’re going to keep trying to please the people because, well, we’re people pleaser people.”

    “How lame,” commented mesospecial909. “I hope the 501st post is a lot better than this one.”

  • Job Hunters: Pimp Thee Well

    Got to give it some lovin'.
    Got to give it some lovin’.

    Advertising is supposed to be a creative business, yet most creative people hunting for a job take an unimaginative approach. They don’t create good ads for themselves.

    I recently came across some of the work I used early in my career and share it now for your enlightenment or amusement. There was a simple reason I did these creative letters of recommendation–– my advertising work was bad. When I opened my portfolio, the work sucked so much it created a vacuum.

    But my letters got attention and usually led to interviews where I often heard the same comment: “Why isn’t your work as good as your letters?” Good question. It would take me awhile to find the ability to express myself in ads.

    Years ago, I wrote about my Ed McMahon letter of recommendation.
    Here’s that letter in all its PDF glory: Ed McMahon:Scullin

    Ed wasn’t the only guy singing my praises. I also enlisted legendary adgod, Jay Chiat. Here’s what he had to say: Jay Chiat:Scullin

    And, finally, a couple of brothers with a pollywog & stilts store: Turley Bros:Scullin

    All of these self-pimps under the pen of others was my way to show what my work did not–– that I was creative. Stupid? Yes.
    Childish? Certainly.
    Effective? Absolutely.

    These letters got noticed, remarked on, and led to interviews. Eventually, I even proved myself somewhat worthy.

    So, prospective creative job hunter, how could you pimp yourself more creatively? Do so, because you can’t get any less hired and you may find your dream job.

  • “World’s Greatest Dad” Snaps, Loses Title

    Cup of disappointment leads to loss of prestigious title for Teddy Willspeed
    Cup of disappointment leads to loss of prestigious title for hothead father

    Teddy Willspeed was expecting to enjoy a great Father’s Day with his family yesterday. Instead, “The World’s Greatest Dad” revealed himself to be a Class-A Jerk when his son Brian, age 13, served him a lukewarm cup of coffee with his breakfast.

    “I took a sip of the coffee and told Brian that it was a little cool,” said Papa Willspeed, “and Brian grabbed the mug from me and flung it against the wall. The mug shattered and the coffee made a mess. Then my son exploded at me.

    ‘Really, Dad–– seriously, the coffee’s not hot enough for you?! Unbelievable,’ Brian said. He stormed out of the room, turned around and threw his iPhone at me. I ducked just before it hit me in the head. I guess I did overreact a little,” the senior Willspeed confessed.

    Following ‘the coffee incident’, son Brian called the headquarters of “World’s Greatest Dad” Inc. and had his father’s title revoked.

    “I’m thinking of suing the old man,” an irate Brian told reporters. “I really think I may have some psychological damage from his abuse.”

  • Congressman Disputes Climate Change

    After his press conference, Gurgglemin burst into flames
    During his climate change press conference, Gurgglemin burst into flames

    Rep. Tim Gurgglemin (R-Oklahoma) held a press conference today where he lambasted “Shrill-voiced alarmists squawking about climate change.”

    The congressman said, “Those people who are voicing concerns about carbon emissions and melting glaciers are like evil parents telling their kids that there’s monsters under the bed and raging maniacs with long, sharp knives hiding in the bedroom closet. These people aren’t helping anything. Heck, I think all their hot air and heated rhetoric is what’s causing global warming–– if there even is such a thing.”

    As the congressman shuffled the pages of his speech, his body ignited and he was engulfed in flames. He ran off the stage screaming, “No questions, please. Keep cool. Vote Gurgglemin!”

  • Book Review of Timothy Geithner’s “Stress Test”

    The big book he done wrote.
    The big book he done wrote.

    TLDR

  • 9 Secrets About The Kimye Nuptials

    Getting their wedding vows on, Kim & Kanye!!!
    Getting their wedding vowels on, Kim & Kanyeah!!!

    The wedding of the century went down Saturday as Kim Kardashian and Kanye West married in Florence, Italy, and The Lint Screen was there for every adrenaline-filled second. Here are some of the highlights that no other news media has reported:
    + Kanye said, “E” and Kim replied “O” as the couple exchanged vowels and were officially made the most glamorous couple in the universe in front of 600 A-list guests including Garrison Keillor, Howie Mandel and Jaleel White (Urkle!)
    + Love was in the air along with a strong scent of Pine Sol after a few of the guests got sick from the Tilt-A-Whirl ride set up at the entrance to the wedding garden
    + There was a life-size statue of the happy couple constructed of candy corn, clay, pitted olives and plaster of Paris
    + Kim’s wedding dress was designed by Felicity Gucci Givenchy de Le Target and was made from feathers, silk (spun by live silk worms still working as the bride strode down the aisle) and angel eyelashes–– the beautiful gown was valued at well over $62
    + Kim’s march down the aisle was preceded by a procession of little people on albino goats whose shins trickled with bright blood seeping from where the sharp spurs had dug in
    + Tears of joy flowed like a sad Niagara Falls after a heavy rainfall of sorrow
    + After the wedding ceremony, a flock of owls, hummingbirds, bald eagles and a bow-legged ostrich were released as the groom bumped and grinded on the bride
    + The love couple’s love child North asked her parents to change her name to South–– she was spanked and sent to her room
    + The menu included Vienna sausages, Deviled Ham on Premium Saltines, popcorn balls, beef stew (no carrots–– Kim hates carrots!) cotton candy and raspberry-lemon-quail tarts

    You read it here first.