The Lint Screen

Author: PD Scullin

  • World Premier: “The Merger (pt. 2)”

    You’ve read about it in The New York Times, now catch the film critics are calling “Not as bad as I’d thought it would be” and “Better than a fist in the face or a dagger in the pancreas.”

    Here it is, the sequel to “The Merger”, “The Merger (pt. 2)”

  • Believe It, Or Whatever

    On a recent trip to St. Augustine, Florida, The Lint Screen unearthed an amazing discovery at the Ripley’s Believe It Or Not Museum (believe it or not, that’s the name)–– lint art.

    Check it out:
    Rooster Lint

    Beneath the eye-opening artwork, the description:
    Lint Art

    Lint is a wonderful medium, believe it.

  • Hannity Considers A Hairstyle Change, A Nation Girds Its Loins

    Hannity urged to move part to the far right.
    Hannity urged to move his part to the far right.

    Tea party members are flipping their wigs, and now Fox mega-broadcaster Sean Hannity is considering changing his hairstyle.

    Hannity, the popular conservative Fox pundit, has had the same hairstyle for years, a part that is just to the left of the middle of his scalp. The hair has recently outraged many tea party members.

    “Sean can talk the talk all he wants about conservative values, but his hair is sending a different message,” said C. Ramsey Toomsade, a tea party member in Richmond, Virginia. “His hair says he’s left of the middle, and I say that means he supports government entitlement programs, abortion, a nanny state, Islamic terrorism, stomping on the Bible with muddy boots and gun control. I think it’s high time Sean took his part to the right–– the far right, and showed if his true colors are red, white and blue!”

    A spokesman for Hannity said the newsman is exploring hairstyle options. “Sean has a natural part, but we’ll see if maybe a perm or scalp surgery can move that part to the right. We don’t want to disappoint our audience!”

  • Analysts Blame Elvis Costello For Apple Stock Dip

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    What’s so funny ’bout peace, love and iPhones?

    Yesterday, Apple’s leader Tim Cook headed a special news conference where the rock musician Elvis Costello performed.

    Today, Apple stock is getting hammered on Wall Street.

    “Elvis Costello was a mistake,” said a Goldman Sachs tech analyst. “Cook should have picked someone hip and hot, like I don’t know, maybe Steve Perry from Journey or who’s that lead singer of Kansas–– ol’ what’s his name.”

    A Morgan Stanley analyst thought Miley Cyrus would have been a better choice. “She’s hot what with her twerking and all, and have you seen this new video she did for ‘Wrecking Ball’– man, Bruce Springsteen didn’t get naked or lick a sledgehammer when he did that song!”

    At the news conference, apparently Apple also had some new product news.

  • “The Man” Gets Finger Poke In Eye

    Take that, THE MAN! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
    Take that, THE MAN!
    Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

    The Man has been trying to put The Lint Screen down.

    We’ve experienced lots of technical difficulties over the past couple weeks with our site hosted on GoDaddy servers. Now maybe GoDaddy was taking all that server space to stockpile the brainpower necessary to create its Super Bowl spots known for their intellectual stimulation (among other forms of stimulation). Whatever, it just wasn’t working so well for TLS.

    Or, it could have been the NSA dropping the hammer on all sites related to clothes dryers and their accessories. Why? It’s the government–– don’t ask, don’t tell.

    So we’ve switched servers to HostGator and it appears all systems are go. Sorry for any difficulties you might have experienced, please stay tuned as we ramp back up to our irregular and irresponsible postings.

    Thanks.
    The Management
    Sticking It To The Man

    PS: Here’s something from our archives you may have missed. Enjoy.

  • Miley Cyrus Story Runs With No Picture

    Yes, you’re right– what idiot approved that idea?

    Sorry.