Author: PD Scullin

Kyle Rittenhouse is dead. The 18-year-old may have gotten off free for traveling over state lines and gunning down a couple of people in Kenosha, Wisconsin, but he also lost his identity along the way.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump has just adopted Kyle, and the AR-15-shooting superstar has officially changed his name to Kyle Trump.

“I’m very excited about this,” the newest Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Rittenhouse was an okay name, but it didn’t have the branding value of Trump. I mean, you see that name on buildings, emails, everything!”

“There is no stronger brand,” the proud new papa Donald adds. “Trump is the biggest name in the world, probably even the universe–– if we could ever get illegal aliens visiting our planet to admit it. But they won’t.”

The newest Trump has not met his brothers or sisters yet.

“I’m looking forward to meeting them,” Kyle says.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” his new father quips. “They’re not so hot. Don Jr. is scum, not a good hunter like you, Kyle. He needs big rifles to kill wild animals. Eric is a contact embarrassment, and disappointment. Not very good at anything. Ivanka’s hot, but she’s stingy with the affection. And the other ones, I don’t remember their names, but let’s just say they’re not that memorable. I blame the mothers for all the kids. None of them live up to me. I hope Kyle will.”

“I’ll do my best, Pop!” the young killer coos.

“Everyone wanted Kyle,” the big fat Trump says. “That cockroach Matt Gaetz, old fart Paul Gosar, and gunslinging Lauren Boebert, but none of them are as good at media whoring as I am. That’s why I’m proud to call him Kyle Trump.”

The new Trump began balling like a baby. His new father slaps him.

“Quit crying. kid,” DJT says. “The jury found you innocent. The show’s over.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Rep. Paul Gosar (AZ) is angry with President Joe Biden, and he may tweet a cartoon about it.

“Biden is trying to ruin America with his stupid infrastructure plan,” the kooky lawmaker tells The Lint Screen. “Old Joe says we’re going to repair roads and bridges, but what he’s really trying to do is destroy Americans’ pride in their country. There’s not a damn thing wrong with our roads and bridges. This country’s perfect the way it is, and anyone who says anything different is a commie traitor in my book.”

Gosar rolls up his sleeves and explains.

“Look, even if a bridge did happen to collapse, are you telling me any red-blooded American couldn’t save himself and his family?” Gosar shakes his head in disbelief. “What are we becoming, a nanny state? We expect the government to wipe our butts and burp us? This infrastructure bill is absolute insanity.”

The Republican tough guy punches his fist into his hand. “Biden says we’re even going to replace lead pipes. Why? Isn’t lead part of a good diet? I think this whole socialist plan of his is designed to make tough Americans as soft as fancy hotel toilet paper. And that’s what Biden’s going to do, flush the American dream down the toilet.”

Gosar fancies himself a superhero when he sends out an anime of him killing Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and preparing to attack cartoon Joe Biden.

“That cartoon was just a little fun,” Gosar says. “I still believe in rugged American stuff like attacking women and old men. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

Gosar sighs. “Joe Biden is no Donald Trump. He was a man’s man, and he will always be my president.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

It appears some people are above the law.

Trump’s last chief of staff, Mark Meadows, failed to appear for a Friday deposition before the House select committee investigating the January 6 insurrection.

“I don’t have to do it,” Meadows boasts to The Lint Screen. “I’ve got my head so far up President Trump’s ass that I can see his lungs and out his pie hole. And since I don’t recognize Joe Biden as having won the election, President Trump has given me immunity from any prosecution because he has unlimited power.”

Meadows, who had a spine and shred of character once upon a time, has morphed into a pitiful Trump sycophant and cheerleader. A blemish on the face of humankind.

“I think the president may be the greatest human who ever lived,” Meadows chirps. “And that includes Jesus Christ. Sorry, dude, you were good. I mean, you were a good guy and your miracles were pretty amazing. But let’s face it, Son of God, you didn’t do as much for humanity as Donald J. Trump did. I shall have no false gods before my savior, Donald Trump!“

Congressional subpoenas mean nothing to Mark Meadows.

“Screw Congress,” he says. “What do they know about the law? Their subpoenas don’t count. I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m friends with the leader of the free world. And once the boss is back in the big house, I can impose my will on anyone with armed goon squads. President Trump said so. He rewards loyalty, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove myself his little bitch boy.”

Meadows laughs. “Laws are for pathetic commoners. I’m royalty. You can’t touch me!”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

If you have a feather handy, you could use it to knock over Brandon Snarply, a warehouse assistant manager in Little Rock, Arkansas.

“I can’t believe how everyone’s talking about me,” the enthusiastic single man told The Lint Screen. “It’s unbelievable. One day you’re just an ordinary Joe, and the next day you hear people everywhere shouting ‘Let’s go, Brandon!‘ It’s absolutely nuts. Suddenly, everyone’s my cheerleader!”

Snarply says he is one of three assistant managers vying for a promotion to warehouse manager.

“I’ve been working my tail off for months now,” Snarply claims. “And I don’t know if senior management notices a lick, but it sure seems like the rest of the world is paying attention. If I turn on the TV, I see NASCAR races, political rallies, school board meetings, and everybody’s chanting, Let’s go, Brandon!“

The man blushes, choking back his tears. “It’s like I’m the most popular man in the world,” he says. “And if that don’t make a fellow’s chest puff up, well, I don’t know what will. It’s just nice to finally be appreciated.”

The young assistant manager thinks all his newfound attention will pay him handsome dividends down the line.

“I suspect once I get my promotion to manager, I’ll become the kind of guy every beautiful girl wants to date. Heck, who knows––I might even get a congratulations call from President Biden. He’s a great man who cares about the little guy. If he called me and said, Let’s go, Brandon! wouldn’t that be something?”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump will be attending tonight’s fourth World Series Game–– as a pitcher!

“I’m an amazing pitcher,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “I have incredible stuff. Fastball, even faster ball, fastest ball ever, curveball, loopy-doodle ball, filibuster ball, and wild pitch. Those batters aren’t going to know what hit them, but it just might be a baseball.”

Trump has had a lot of time on his hands since losing his re-election bid.

“I’m a gracious loser when I lose,” he says. “But I’ve never lost in any competition. And that’s the truth. Ask Kevin McCarthy or Jim Jordan. I won the election, and everyone knows it. Biden and the liberals cheated me, and then they faked that insurrection and tried to pin it on me.”

Asked which team he would pitch for, The Atlanta Braves or the Houston Astros, Trump shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe both of them. Maybe neither. It all depends on who needs me the most, begs me the most, and pays me the most. I don’t play favorites. I won both Georgia and Texas and all the 51 or 52 other states. I’m America’s pitcher, and I throw nothing but touchdowns.”

Trump smiles. “I might even sing the National Anthem. And hit some home runs. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get into The Baseball Hall of Fame. Those people have been cheating me long enough. I’m getting in!”

The ex-prez scratched his crotch, spat, and said, “See–– I even look like a pitcher, right?” His security detail led him away as he mumbled to himself.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) is hotter than a Banty-rooster refused for a low-interest henhouse loan.

“I’m sick and tired of these Democrats and their witch hunts,” the Republican lawmaker crows to The Lint Screen. “They’re trying to illegally prosecute the good folks involved with the January 6 liberation when we should be building them a glorious monument.”

Scalise calls those involved in the illegal coup attempt in Congress on January 6 “liberty lovers” and “freedom fighters,” and he wants them to get the recognition they deserve.

“We build these monuments to soldiers, dead presidents––hells bells, even Martin Luther King––so why don’t we recognize the true patriots out there? The people who stood up for their liberty and deserve permanent recognition. My new bill intends to give them that eternal glory.”

The Louisiana swamp creature proposes spending $400 million to erect “a magnificent monument” to the traitorous insurrectionists.

“I’m proposing life-size figures of the freedom fighters battling the evil Capitol Police, defenders of Democrat socialism. This majestic monument will help future generations know the heroic actions they took by using American flags as weapons to beat down the shackles of authority that wanted to count the votes in an election we all know President Trump was cheated out of by Joe Biden.”

Scalise intends the monument will include the battle scenes on the steps of the Capitol, with hundreds of crybabies beating cops and waving Trump signs, banners, and flags.

“The entire Republican Party backs this monument,” the Trump ass-kisser says. “And we aren’t going to allow Democrats to ruin the determination we have to rewrite history”

The Representative whispers to his assistant, “Be sure Trump knows I’m doing this. It’ll make him happy.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.