Humor

Various things designed to get you to expel air in an unplanned manner while showing more teeth than you usually do.

‘Gobsmacked’ Woman in Big Demand

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Susan Boyle, the 47-year old U.K. singing sensation who wowed the world with her recent performance on the TV sensation “Britain’s Got Talent” says she is “Gobsmacked, absolutely gobsmacked” by her instant brush with fame. Incredibly, the clip of her performance has attracted over 15 million views on gobsmacking website sensation YouTube.

Ms. Boyle says the instant celebrity will not change her. “I plan to be my ownself, I do. I’m not about to let fame go to my head. If anyone gets in my way, I’ll crush them like a ripe grape. After all, I’m a big celebrity now, aren’t I? Don’t have to be dealing with lowly commoners. After all, I’m one of the beautiful people now!”

Casting Specs

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Being an Adman, I’ve been involved with something we in the trade call commercials or spots (let me know if this is getting too ‘insider’).

One of the keys to creating a successful spot is casting, the hiring of actors to pretend they are speaking the words you’ve put in their mouths. To help actors, I write extensive casting specs so the person knows the backstory of the character and can deliver a believable performance that won’t suck.

Here are the casting specs for a spot we did recently…

Royal Scandals, An American Tradition

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First Lady Michelle Obama has England all a-titter as a result of her brazen breach of protocol in greeting her highness, Queen Elizabeth II yesterday. The U.S. First Lady had the audacity to actually touch the Royal Mother’s royal backside– with her glove-less hand!

This flagrant assault to civility has Anglophiles worldwide “quite upset, actually. Not at all pleased.”

Pity Poor AIG

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Americans own 80% of some company called AIG, which I believe stands for Assets Instantly Gone. We’ve taken almost $200 billion of our taxpayer money and shoveled it into a black hole that has lost trillions.

Now these same inconsiderate American taxpayers are bellyaching because the brainiacs running AIG were paid a paltry $165 million in bonuses. What a nation of ingrates we are!

Madoff-Thain Decorating Tussle

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Now that 70-year old Bernie Madoff has been tucked away in prison for up to 150 years (which is not a life sentence given that Madoff sold his soul to live forever), the notorious swindler is in a new legal battle with John Thain, ex-Chairman and CEO of Merrill Lynch.

Hollywood Hubbub

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Pacific Coast Highway, somewhere in Malibu. I woke up, hydraulic pistons inside my head doing a number on my skull– like Keith Moon on an angry expresso bender. My eyes were crusted. Two vultures in a tree looked down on me hungrily. Seeing me move, they slowly flap their wings and take flight, disgusted.

It’s a couple days after the Academy Awards after-parties, and this intrepid reporter will do his best to hunt and peck out the stories I have seen. The ones I remember, at least.