Felon President Donald Trump is outraged by “the horrible, illegal land grab Zelensky made” and wants justice.

“Zelensky’s a thief,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Putin was living peacefully in Russia, a big, beautiful country, and Zelensky stole a large chunk of Russia and called it his own. No one’s ever seen such an aggressive move.” Trump shakes his head. “Many people think it was the biggest crime of the century, and I agree.”

Ukraine has been defending itself against Russian troops that invaded it in February 2022.

“Putin just wants what’s his,” Trump says. “He asked Zelensky politely, but that madman refused. He went on a killing rampage against Russian citizens. He is not such a nice a man, Zelensky. He’s a thug and a thief.”

Trump has always believed in the rule of law.

“When you own something, it’s yours,” Trump says. “And Putin owned Russia. There is no such place as Ukraine. It’s fake–– like Oz, or Los Angeles. I am demanding Zelensky immediately gives back what he stole. Putin is like me, we’re men who believe in character, integrity, and courage. And Zelensky is a cruel coward.”

Trump gets red in his orange face.

“If Zelensky doesn’t give back the land he stole,” he says, “some not so nice things might happen to him. I have nuclear weapons, punk. Don’t test me.”

He smiles. “It’s good to be the king,” Trump says, as a flock of GOP fluffers enter the Oval Office. “It’s even better to be God.”

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

President Elon Musk brought his four-year-old son, Lil X, to the Oval Office for a press conference with acting President Trump.

“That damn kid drove me nuts,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “He’s a brat. The little prick wiped his disgusting boogers on my desk. And he told me to ‘shut up.’ I’m the president! I can change the name of large bodies of water, release my army of dangerous thugs from prison, claim foreign countries for America––I can even plan luxury resorts in wartorn areas––I can do whatever the hell I want. No one tells me to shut up. That’s treason. Disgraceful treason. So, I had Elon’s kid arrested and sent to Gitmo. Maybe a few years in solitary confinement will teach the boy some manners.”

Elon Musk apologized for his son’s behavior.

“Lil X is a wild child,” Musk says. “I couldn’t find a sitter on short notice. Plus, they’re so expensive––some want like twenty, twenty-two bucks an hour! Who can afford that?! So, I decided to bring the boy with me. It was all very innocent and kind of fun.”

“That little brat is very nasty,” Trump says. “Maybe he’ll learn some manners in Gitmo. And if he doesn’t, I’ll have him deported. I’ll get him on one of your flights to Mars, Elon.”

“That’d be cool by me, Donnie T,” Elon said, adjusting his black MAGA hat while doing a line of ketamine off the resolute desk. “I like Lil X, but I’ll just make some more. It’s no biggie.”

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Sen. Chuck Schumer is on fire. While Dictator Trump issues unconstitutional executive orders and Elon Musk runs amuck in the Treasury Department, cutting off federal funding wherever the world’s richest man sees fit, Schumer is alarmed.

“Boy, I am getting somewhat peeved,” an almost emotional Schumer told The Lint Screen. “President Trump and Musk are doing all sorts of shenanigans, many of which are damaging to our country and citizens. It’s something else, and someone should do something about it.” Schumer wipes his brow.

“That’s why if this stuff persists,” he says, “I’m thinking of perhaps issuing a sharply worded protest letter. Oh, nothing too uncivil, mind you, but a written account that registers the Democratic Party’s official willingness to possibly fight these outrageous actions. I think Congress is supposed to have some say in government, but we’re getting shut out. I’m quite perturbed. Whew!”

Schumer’s face reddens.

“I’m sorry I flew off the handle there,” he apologizes. “But these un-American acts by the administration are getting under my skin. Maybe I’ll calm down after a good night’s sleep.” Schumer sighs. “But it may someday soon be time to do something. Thank you.”

Schumer leaves the microphone bank as his ancient colleagues pat his back and congratulate him on his brave act on behalf of America.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Trump Term 2.0 is off to a roaring start, with Executive Orders flying, foolish tariffs against allies being threatened, 1600 insurrectionists being sprung from jail, government agencies being pruned of perceived enemies, and entire departments being shut down.

There was even an attempt to shut down government spending. While many have questioned the legality and constitutionality of these dictatorial measures, Trump whisperer Stephen Miller gave The Lint Screen an exclusive interview to explain.

“President Trump learned from his first term about the inefficiencies of government,” Miller explains. “Someone came up with the stupid idea of a system of three separate and equal branches–– the executive, legislative, and judicial. We learned that this arrangement is cumbersome and unworkable when you are trying to fix a horribly broken, shithole country like ours. So this time, government’s much simpler.”

Miller leans forward, rubs his hands, and raises his brows.

“The three new branches are President Trump, Elon Musk, and myself,” the creepy guy smiles. “It is not separate and equal because President Trump is always the final word, but Elon and I also have enormous powers to do whatever we want and bulldoze the Constitution. The voters gave us a clear mandate with our landslide victory.”

Trump didn’t even get 50% of the vote.

Miller chuckles. “If we need to break a few eggs to make this MAGA omelet, so be it. Americans are hungry for change, and they can’t afford eggs, thanks to Biden’s failed DEI policies.”

What could possibly go wrong with this new system of government? Stay tuned.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Newly-crowned King Donald has begun making good on his campaign promises. Yesterday, he released almost all the convicted criminals serving time for participating in his insurrection attempt on January 6, 2021.

“These 1600 people were patriots,” Trump spokesperson Tom Bostrom tells The Lint Screen. “They stormed the Capitol to protest President Trump’s being cheated out of a second term.” However, in over 60 court cases, no evidence of election tampering was ever presented. “That doesn’t matter,” Bostrom continues. “We just know it happened.”

Trump urged his supporters to “fight like hell” and march to the Capitol. They did, and a bloodbath ensued as the mob attacked police and security forces, threatening the lives of politicians attempting to count the Electoral College votes.

“None of the trouble would have happened if they had just re-elected Trump,” Bostrom said. “And President Trump appreciated the patriotism of his supporters for rioting on his behalf. Their valient efforts and bravery in the face of law and order gave the president over three hours of entertaining TV viewing, and he enjoyed it greatly.”

Trump and the GOP have been gaslighting the shameful act since it happened. To help the nation heal, the newly-elected president felon has pardoned his criminal supporters.

“This act is not only one of justice,” Bostrom said, “but it may just help drive down grocery prices like President Trump promised during his campaign. I mean, you never know, right?”

To assist in that, Trump has enlisted an army of billionaires in his cabinet and as advisors “to help address the needs of the middle class. The President always looks out for the little guy,” Bostrom said, smiling.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Even though President Elon Musk hasn’t moved into the Oval Office yet, the world’s richest man is demanding his citizens “get in line or get the hell out of my country.”

Musk and his senior grifting advisor, Donald J. Trump, have decided that each American must purchase a new Tesla before January 31, 2025.

“I have eyes everywhere,” Musk tells The Lint Screen. “If I don’t see a Tesla in every driveway by midnight January 31st, we’ll be apprehending and deporting the offenders. I have Teslas sitting in lots everywhere waiting to be driven away, including my Tesla Cybertrucks designed by a four-year-old with a LEGO set.”

A visibly excited Trump enters the room and attempts jumping for joy. He stumbles and falls.

“Did you tell them about Trump Crypto?” Trump asks Musk, breathlessly.

“Not yet,” he says. “You tell them, D.T.”

“We’re demanding Americans liquidate all their assets,” Trump says. “And the helpful government will convert your money into Trump Crypto Currency.”

“I will not accept Trump Crypto for my Teslas,” Musk interrupts. “I only accept U.S. legal tender.”

“You do you, Elon,” Trump says, smiling, as three strong associates hoist him to his feet. “But if people don’t convert all their savings, investments, and possesions to Trump Crypto, they’ll be rounded up and deported like dogs.” Trump clicks his fingers. “Like that.”

“We’re making America great again,” Elon says. “And the best way to do that is by making the rich even richer.”

“That’s right, Leon,” Trump shouts. “We’re making America super-great! And us super rich!!!” He begins doing his Village People dance, loses his balance, and topples to the floor.

———————————————————————————————-

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.