Poor little Donnie Trump. Some Americans don’t love him unconditionally. They dare to complain about his undemocratic policies, question his reckless fiscal policies, and question his sanity. When the Big Guy craves affirmation, he calls a Cabinet meeting, and his puppets dance for him.

Here is a partial transcript from a recent Cabinet meeting with his ass-kissing gang of spinless weenies.

VANCE: Mr. President, thank you for your magnificent leadership. I am so proud to be on your team, forging a brave new, prosperous future. You are like Einstein and someone else who’s really smart rolled into one. You’re truly remarkable. I marvel at your brilliance and bravery.

HEGSETH: I also think the President is amazing. Stupendous even. Sir, you are better than God! Much, much better. Everyone should pray to you!

BONDI: I am so proud to work under your bold leadership, sir, and I speak for all women when I say we find you very attractive and want to sleep with you because of your incredible good looks, masculine ripped body, and your irresistible charisma. We want to bear your children, sir!

RFK JR: Sir, you have what the kids call ‘rizz.’ Which I believe is a good thing–– unlike vaccines, fluoride, and medicine..

BESSENT: Mr. President, I want to thank you from every corner of my heart for your brilliant tariff policy, which will make every American wealthier than Warren Buffett. Your leadership will pave the way to unimaginable prosperity.

BURGUM: You are playing 4-D chess, sir!

RUBIO: No. It’s more like 5-or 6-D chess!

DUFFY: You’re both wrong. It’s 100-D chess!!!

LUTNICK: No, you fools! President Trump is playing infinity-D chess!!! Sir, you are truly an economic mastermind. Brilliant in every way!

LOEFFLER: That is so true, Howie. Leaders from every country want to kiss your ass because they respect and fear your strength, brains, and Hollywood good looks.

TRUMP: That’s right, Kelly. They all call me up crying and begging, “Sir, what can we do to please you? We love you, sir, and are very afraid of you. Please, sir, please help us help you make America great again.” (HE GRINS) No one’s ever seen anything like it. They all love me. Everyone loves Trump! What do you think about that?

(ALL CABINET MEMBERS APPLAUD FURIOUSLY, EACH FEARING TO BE THE FIRST TO STOP. THEY CONTINUE CLAPPING UNTIL THEIR HANDS BLEED. FINALLY, TRUMP DIRECTS THEM TO STOP AS AIDES WIPE BLOOD OFF THE TABLE.)

TRUMP: Now, where were we?

NOEM: Sir, because you are the greatest president ever, I think your handsome face should be on the one million dollar bill. No, wait––I meant the twenty million dollar bill!

RATCLIFFE: We should rename Washington ‘Trump Land‘ in your honor.

RUBIO: ‘The United States’ is a tired name, sir. We should rebrand our country ‘The Glorious Trump Empire!‘

(TRUMP SMILES, CLOSES HIS EYES, AND NODS HIS APPROVAL. AS CABINET MEMBERS USE CHAPSTICK AND PUCKER FOR ROUND TWO)

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Although President Trump was convicted of 34 felonies for financial mismanagement, the sweaty golf cheat wants Americans to be patient with his “brilliant tariff strategy” that has cratered the stock market 10% since he took office, and lost $11 trillion in value.

“I inherited the worst economy ever,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Biden had America in another Great Depression, and I had to use my big brain and do something and save us.”

So, Trump devised a cockamamie tariff plan based on some numbers he pulled from his ass.

“I have tariffs on everyone except Russia because Putin likes me.” Trump says. “I’ve even put tariffs on islands where no one lives and one where only penguins live. Penguins have been ripping us off for a long, long time, and so they’re getting big tariffs. Tariffs like they’ve never seen before. Trump is finally standing up to penguin power.”

The man with a firm grip on the GOP discards any criticism of his plan that is decimating the economy.

“Anyone who doesn’t like my tariffs is a panican, a word I made up myself,” he boasts. “They don’t understand business like I do. I have a huge brain in here,” he says, pointing to his shoulder. An aide scurries to help him move his finger to point to his head. “In here,” he repeats. “Such a big brain. I’ll make everyone rich, so rich. They’re not going to believe how rich they become.”

Trump will not tolerate any criticism of his actions.

“I believe in free speech,” he proclaims. “And anyone who doesn’t agree with me will find themselves on a plane flying over the Gulf of America to a little place we call El Salvador.” He smiles. “And maybe ten years in prison will change the panican’s attitude.”

Sit tight, Americans. Boss Daddy will fix everything. ———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

You would think America’s traditional arch-enemy would be tight-lipped about the actions of our President, but that is not the case.

After Felonious Trump unveiled his drastic “Independence Day” Tariff Plan, Russian President Vladimir Putin was effusive in his praise.

“Trump is an economic mastermind,” Putin tells The Lint Screen. “He will cripple the economy of the world while enriching the U.S. coffers. It is brilliant. Charge other countries more money and bank it. American consumers will benefit because Trump promises that they will be richer than they could ever imagine. It is an ingenious move. All upside, no downside.”

You would think a stronger U.S. economy might bother Putin, but he says it doesn’t.

“I admire President Trump very much,” the ex-KGB agent says. “He is a most impressive adversary. Everything he’s done since getting into office is remarkably smart. He is truly making America great again. I couldn’t do a better job myself. I have nothing but admiration and envy for your leader with the extra large brain.”

Putin doubles over, making a sound like subdued laughter as he rushes out of the interview.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Pete Hegseth is sick and tired of “the outrageous accusations” that he shared classified attack plans on Houthi rebels in Yemen on Signal, an unsecured encrypted app.

“I’m being viciously attacked for nothing,” the ex-Fox anchor and now Sec. of Defense tells The Lint Screen. “Everyone knows that Signal is safe, and the information I shared with other officials was absolutely not classified. It was just when and where we were planning to attack enemy combatants. No biggie. I don’t know why everyone’s got their panties in a knot.”

Somehow, Trump’s Keystone Kops Kabinet officials included Jeffrey Goldberg, editor-in-chief of Atlantic magazine, on its text chain.

“Goldberg should be sent to the El Salvador prison for Venezulian gang members,” Hegseth claims. “The guy is a scumbag who committed treason when he released the information. I’m talking with President Trump about how we deal with this traitor.”

Because so many people seem to think communicating top-secret information on Signal is a lousy idea, Hegseth has a brilliant solution.

“I’ve started a private Facebook group for Cabinet officials,” the slick-backed smoothie says. “It’ll be even better than Signal, and we can share more cool emojis. We can even use funny memes from The Office and other popular shows and movies. Those things crack me up! And since it’s PRIVATE, we don’t have to worry about buttisnkis like Goldberg breaking in and ratting us out. That guy is the worst.”

Sounds like a plan, Pete. You’re doing a helluva job!

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

The Trump administration’s war on D.E.I. is now aimed at the National Football League Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.

“It’s high time we eliminate woke politics from sports,” says Stephen Miller, henchman weasel for Trump. “We have allowed D.E.I. to rule our professional teams for too long, and we’re taking action to re-instate fairness into the history books.”

Starting next week, the NFL Hall of Fame will begin erasing all traces of minorities who played the game.

“Imagine taking your white child to the Football Hall of Fame,” Miller says. “The poor kid sees so many black faces immortalized, he naturally becomes sad. What chance does he have to play? The child may never even attempt to play football, and who knows––maybe he could have been one of the greats if it hadn’t been for his exposure to D.E.I. at a young age. It’s a tragedy how this woke policy has destroyed the self-confidence of white people.”

Miller is proud to have all tributes to nonwhite players removed.

“This is the only way to balance the playing field,” Miller says. “And when we’re done cleaning up this place, we’ll be moving on to the basketball and baseball hall of fames. I think they may also have some minorities included because of wokeness. And once we eliminate all traces of D.E.I., we’ll be taking another small step toward making America great again. Go Team MAGA!”

Miller pumps his tiny fist into the air, loses his balance, and stumbles, falling face first on to the floor. He scrambles to his feet.

“I’d probably be in the Football Hall of Fame if it weren’t for D.E.I.,” he says walking away.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Convicted felon and President Donald Trump sees monsters in every shadow, and he never admits a mistake because he wears a hat that declares, “TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.”

Commander Crybaby accepts no responsibility for the skyrocketing price of eggs, a problem he assured voters he would fix on day one of his presidency.

“It’s all Joe Biden’s fault,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Biden told the chickens to stop laying so many eggs, limiting supply and driving the prices up. It was his not-so-nice plan to make me look bad. It’s very unfair. Biden’s chickens are terrorists, trying to make America’s favorite president look bad.”

Trump is proud of the mayhem he has caused since entering the Oval Office.

“I’ve had the U.S. join the axis of evil,” he says. “I’ve alienated our allies, started trade wars with tariffs that will make Americans so rich they won’t believe how much money they have, and I’ve built the strongest stock market ever. I’ve also shredded the Constitution because who needs those old laws? Trump’s in charge, so everything’s great! Everywhere I go, Republicans are telling me they’ve never seen anything like it. They love my presidenting. People love me. I am doing an incredible job. I’m definitely better than God, who is a very overrated deity, in my opinion.”

But what about the price of eggs? Trump’s agriculture secretary, Brooke Rollins, recommends that people raise chickens in their backyard.

“That’s a great idea,” the bossman bully says. “And if people are too unpatriotic to do that, stop buying Biden’s overpriced eggs and complaining. I’ve instructed my I.C.E. goon squads to round up the chickens and take them to KFC. Once they’re battered and deep-fried, they’ll know who’s in charge.”

Co-president Elon Musk and Mike Johnson enter the Oval Office and fight over who will pop a grape into their master’s mouth.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.