“This is tremendous news for the nation,” said campaign manager, Sandy Oceans in a press conference held in Portland, Oregon this morning. “This 2012 campaign already has a Newt, but now it has a lizard that people can really believe in. One that can change its colors to fit the environment perfectly. And, a candidate with stereoscopic eyes to boldly see a future where we all can live in economic prosperity and jobs aplenty! Two, three, four jobs for everyone! A couple of ’em six figure babies, to boot! And get a load of this– whatever the voters want, they will most certainly get– with a cherry on top– because that’s the kind of government Carl The Chameleon believes in! And let me tell you, you won’t be getting that from any poopy puppy or mangy monkey, no siree! All they’ll do is give you empty promises. Carl The Chameleon will deliver results beautifully!”
A crowd of hundreds applauded loudly and shot off handguns in joyous celebration. The competing campaign camps for Santy Paws and Ms. Pickles did not return phone calls for commentary on Carl The Chameleon’s candidacy, nor was there any word from Newt’s people.