The Lint Screen

Tag: Patrick Scullin

  • Monkeys Are Making Monkeys Of Us

           They think they’re so smart, and maybe they are, but monkeys are often discovered posing as authority figures endangering life as we know it here on this planet many of us call “home.”      Imagine being wheeled into the operating room and your last vision before drifting off to slumberville is a monkey…

  • 9 Reasons To Never Invite A Monkey To Dinner

      1.  Monkeys smell like monkeys. 2   Monkeys rarely put napkins in their laps and never know the proper fork to use. 3.  Monkeys are picky eaters (especially when it comes to noodle casseroles). 4.  Ask a monkey to pass you something, nine times out of ten he’ll fling it at your head. 5.…

  • 7 Ways To Capitalize on AIG

           Last week, we American taxpayers bought ourselves AIG. I’ve never owned an insurance company, but I do have a few proposals about running our new enterprise: Let’s outsource for cheap labor in China and India. Let’s not insure any high risk people. Let’s continually raise premiums. If there are claims, let’s dispute…

  • The Ugly Horror of Fatz

         As roadside attractions go, it’s hard to top the Gaffney Peach, conveniently located by Interstate-85 in Gaffney, South Carolina. Constructed in 1981, it’s a million dollar water storage tank that’s shaped like… get this… a PEACH!    It’s a wondrous sight when one is zipping along trying to avoid the long radar arm…

  • 4 Films 4U

      Four movies for your two eyes, two ears. “Burn After Reading”– You need to manage your expectations on this one, people. It’s being marketed as a comedy. If you walk in, sit down, fold your arms and say “O.K., clown-boys, make me laugh!” you won’t enjoy this movie as much as you should. Yes, there…

  • The Secrets of Jingle Writing Explained

       David Ogilvy (a Brit who did some ‘adverts’) once said, “If you can’t say it, sing it, dude. Sing it loud, sing it proud.” I believe he said this nugget at Woodstock when he sat in with Canned Heat for a set, then wailed like a banshee on fire as Hendrix burned his guitar.…