Patrick Scullin

Big Tex Departs Earth In Blaze Of Glory

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Big Tex, the legendary mechanized 52-foot-tall cowboy who greeted patrons attending the State Fair of Texas, died tragically yesterday morning when he was engulfed in flames. Big Tex (real name, Giorgy Sean vanHootendanglerry) was 60 years old. He leaves no wife, survivors or horse. His fiery demise is still being investigated by authorities. One carny … Read more

Presidential Debate Questions Not Asked

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In last night’s second Presidential Debate, a group of 80 undecided voters gathered in a town hall setting at Hofstra University. They came with questions for President Barack Obama and G.O.P. challenger Mitt Romney. Many questions were asked and answered– or used as tees for well-rehearsed talking points. But what of the questions left un-asked? … Read more

Big Bird Flies The Coop

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Sesame Street’s elder statesmen, Big Bird, has been missing from this community since Thursday morning, said local resident, Rabbie Rodent. “Big Bird’s on the lam,” said the large rat with a foaming mouth. “He said someone had put a contract out on him and that he had to take a powder. Said he might be … Read more

NFL Owners Take Decisive Action: Replacement Players

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The owners of NFL teams carry a bit more clout than God, and they are tired of hearing players bellyache about the crappy calls being made by replacement referees who are subbing for the real refs who were locked-out by owners for requesting a few more coins. “Look, I’ve had it with these big, beefy … Read more

The Best Movie of 2011?

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2011 was hardly a great year for motion pictures. War Horse, The Help, Moneyball, Hugo, The Artist and The Descendants were lauded as some of the best. While many were way above average, none were worthy of much thought beyond the initial screening. Now you can see what The Lint Screen believes was the best … Read more